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7 years ago  ::  May 25, 2008 - 5:26PM #21
shyanmyluv
Posts: 10
SYB-You know my mother suggested the white candle to me before but it wasn't based on my situation though.  Anywho,  can you accept my friend request so i can speak to you privately please, if you don't mind?  i kind of need someone to speak to which i've never spoken to anyone that could help me clear my thoughts.
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7 years ago  ::  May 28, 2008 - 3:04AM #22
Sybilla1029
Posts: 15
Consider it done! :-)
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7 years ago  ::  May 28, 2008 - 9:48PM #23
TheWhiteHart
Posts: 1,634
Hey, Rock'n On.

First thing is... remember that she was on a serious amount of meds. Those things will mess with anyone's mind, and she may very welll NOT remember all, or most, of what happened during that time period.

Second thing... find your own healing and your own center. Anger has its place, but there is a time to let it go. Holding onto it past that time only means that it will eat you and cause bitterness.

I would suggest a reading of the Desiderata, and that its passages may be worth meditating over.

If you want to, and only if you want to, allow contact. Keep things simple and civil. The relationship you had may be gone forever, but a new one, different, may be fostered instead, if you wish it.

Rain
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7 years ago  ::  May 29, 2008 - 9:25AM #24
TheWhiteHart
Posts: 1,634
No, meds don't make a person do something, but they lower one's ability to reason, think clearly, inhibitions etc. There may well have been an underlying attraction there that being in a stressful situation/on medication simply ascerbated.

Does it completely excuse her? No. But it is a possible explanation. Just don't let it ruin your life.Let her back in on your terms, if you do so.

Rain
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7 years ago  ::  May 30, 2008 - 2:01AM #25
Devona
Posts: 230
Hi Rockin on,

There really isn't a good excuse why this friend did what she did to you BUT I can offer an observation.  I've been 'there' a few times when friends were going thru helping a loved one pass.  You know how intense that time can be - how life-changing it is for all involved?  You share pure emotion for a long time and then it's done - and in my experience, I've seen people simply withdraw from those they were closest to during that time.

It's not fair but it happens all the time.  It's like seeing you simply reminds them of that time......and they push you away for awhile.  It's too difficult for them to be with you.  For now.

I don't know if this is why your friend made sure you stayed away........but it may be a little part of it, at least. 

I've found that the best way to handle it is to let them have their space.  "Check in' once in a while and when they've passed thru all the stages of their grief, they'll be back. 

Now, this friend of yours is also ill and if you're anything like me, you like to have things settled and know where you stand.  I think I'd meet with her or write her or talk to her and tell her exactly how she made you feel.  How hurt you were by her actions.  Get it all out in the open.  Then see how it goes and follow your heart from there. Even if the friendship is over, I think you'll feel better if you clear the air.......say what you want to say and have no regrets later on. 

I wish you the best with this. 

Brightest Blessings,
Devona
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7 years ago  ::  May 30, 2008 - 9:38AM #26
TheWhiteHart
Posts: 1,634
Not bad advice. I did the same, once. Wrote a letter to get something out. It may or may not completely end your relationship with this person, but if she cannot accept that her actions caused you harm, and react accordingly, is she worth hanging on to?
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