I have some serious problems with my grandmother. If that is what you want to call her. She has never loved me, and it hurts me. And don't say, "Oh, i'm sure she loves you." She treats my entire family like crap. Always has.
I'm not going to go into detail about all of the things I have had to put up with over the years, but I can't stand to even be around her anymore without getting angry about all of the things she has done to me and my family, oblivious, it seems, to the fact that she is basically neglecting the only people worth anything in her snobby family. O, forgive me for that. I'm still a little angry and that upsets me too. I don't like being angry, but she gets me riled more than anyone.
Here's the problem: I've always found that telling the person you have a problem with what the problem is helps. I've used it before, but this is tricky. I'm afraid she doesn't know how bad she hurts us. I don't think she's mean, just stupid, as bad as that sounds. I don't want to come out and tell her everything and hurt her. Whether she cares about me or not, I was actually born with a conscious.
She's old. I don't want to be responsible for a huge family conflict this late in her life. I don't want to be isolated from one half of my family for the rest of my life, as messed up as they are. So, should I just grin and bear the pain inside every time I see her, since I'm moving away this year anyway, or should I tell her everything and risk upsetting my family in the hopes that it might actually make things better.
Please, please, please help. This is making things really hard for me right now.
I have some serious problems with my grandmother. If that is what you want to call her. She has never loved me, and it hurts me. And don't say, "Oh, i'm sure she loves you." She treats my entire family like crap. Always has.
I'm not going to go into detail about all of the things I have had to put up with over the years, but I can't stand to even be around her anymore without getting angry about all of the things she has done to me and my family, oblivious, it seems, to the fact that she is basically neglecting the only people worth anything in her snobby family. O, forgive me for that. I'm still a little angry and that upsets me too. I don't like being angry, but she gets me riled more than anyone.
Here's the problem: I've always found that telling the person you have a problem with what the problem is helps. I've used it before, but this is tricky. I'm afraid she doesn't know how bad she hurts us. I don't think she's mean, just stupid, as bad as that sounds. I don't want to come out and tell her everything and hurt her. Whether she cares about me or not, I was actually born with a conscious.
She's old. I don't want to be responsible for a huge family conflict this late in her life. I don't want to be isolated from one half of my family for the rest of my life, as messed up as they are. So, should I just grin and bear the pain inside every time I see her, since I'm moving away this year anyway, or should I tell her everything and risk upsetting my family in the hopes that it might actually make things better.
Please, please, please help. This is making things really hard for me right now.
I hear what you're saying with your grandmother. I also have a grandmother, two of them, actually, who, though I have never doubted their love, do have what we could call an insensitive streak, saying hurtful things without thinking, causing unseen repercussions, and on top of it all being so sensitive themselves that no one would dare speak up to them.
Anyway, I tend to think that it is better to avoid direct conflict when you are dealing with closed-minded people. Since you are moving away soon, you might consider that this person won't be able to exert such a powerful influence in your life, and with time and distance you might be able to find the peace of mind to forgive and let go.
And who knows, with time that person might find herself taking a hard look at her actions and trying to rectify them. If she is too closed-minded, then there is not much a direct confrontation will accomplish.
Best of luck
LozangK
Beliefnet Host, Buddhist Teens
You know, I can really relate to you. I also have a lot of pent- up anger towards my grandparents, because, well, basically I feel like in certain aspects, they've ruined my life. But as far as whether or not to confront it.....you need to decide what you want out of confronting her. Do you want her to change? Or do you want the emotional gratification of conveying your hurt? (which of course, is okay) but I would say that with any conflict, it is better to approach it with a clear heart than with a turmoiltuous one. What I mean is, when I feel really angry with someone, I try to breathe and let go of my emotions. Once I let it go, I'm able to confront that person in a non-threatening and agressive way, which often times makes them much more open to what I have to say. I would try this, if you wish to confront her. Though it may be that even if you say something, nothing is going to change. I know, people are so frustrating, but sometimes we have to accept that we can't control others, and realize that we can only control ourselves, in which case I would try to clear out your heart no matter the out-come. Because ultimately- you being mad at her isn't doing you any good.
I once heard a good quote about forgiveness that has helped me a lot along the way; "Forgiving someone isn't saying that what they did was okay. It's making peace with it in yourself." So that is my advice. I hope it was helpful.
