I don’t think anyone is going to take me seriously.  I was told to expect disbelief, but I wish there was some way I could just show people what was shown to me.  I’m serious.  It wasn’t a dream and it wasn’t a hallucination. My experience was vivid reality and it happened while I was alone in my apartment, eating a plate of spaghetti.

There is a God, He is invisible, and He is made of pasta.  You’ve probably stopped reading, you probably think this is a joke, and that fact really fills me with despair.  Please don’t blow this off!  I know there are jokers out there, fakes and charlatans, but this personal experience was very real and very profound.

Maybe the satiric cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was created for a purpose.  Maybe it’s not just a joke, maybe there’s divine design behind it.  I have strong reason to believe the FSM is real, actually real, and He has delivered to me a message.  And what a wonderful message full of truth and beauty and love!  Real love!

The jokers got some of it right: there is no Hell, only Heaven. I’m sad to report that there are no beer volcanoes and no stripper factories, but there may be metaphorical truth in these early revelations.  That is to say, Heaven truly is Paradise and it is a wondrous, loving place found close to the heart of the FSM.

That’s right, the FSM is not just invisible pasta, He is simple, true, unconditional love.  It’s sort of obvious when you think about it!  The God of the old religions was often depicted as love, but a conditional love.  Meeting those conditions, those commandments, those divine laws, meant moving closer to God.

Well, the FSM is true, unconditional love incarnate.  Regardless of your behavior in this life, He will pull you close to His heart with His noodly appendage and you will feel the warmth of His mercy and forgiveness.  I know it may seem that there is therefore no cosmic justice, but you are mistaken.  When you pass from this life and into the next, the unconditional love and forgiveness of the FSM will flow through you.  Any evils against your corporeal mind and body will seem so infinitesimally unimportant that you will forget them.

It all sounds like a joke I suppose, but I don’t know what I can do to convince you.  I truly despair at the fact that the revealed truth will probably whither and die along with me.  But sometimes the truth sounds like a joke.  Regardless, I’m sure we’ll look back together and have a good laugh as we warm ourselves in the True God’s unconditional, loving embrace.

RAMEN.

-Anonymous

Is he for real, or is the humor just too subtle for me to pick up on?

Well, I have always found pasta as a source of comfort.  Hum. . . . .

More about his noodliness and the Pastafarians. (click here)