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Switch to Forum Live View Single....lost a baby.....want a baby
10 years ago  ::  Jan 03, 2008 - 1:24PM #1
Posts: 1
I honestly could write a novel with the way I feel, but I'll try to keep it short.

In July 2005, I lost my baby at 27 weeks due to several heart defects.  I was single and the situation surrounding my pregnancy was less than desired due to my bad choices, however I chose to keep my baby (after going and leaving the clinic five times!) and knew that God would take care of everything I was worried about.

I was of course severely depressed for about a year after my loss but as time went on, the fog lifted a little.  However every month, when my period starts, I become severely depressed for a number of reasons:  1) the blood (sorry if TMI!) reminds me of my loss,  2) I realize that I am not pregnant (whether or not it is a possibility) and 3) I feel like I'm never going to get pregnant again.

I consider myself a very spiritual person .-  While I was born into a Methodist family, I was raised overseas in 2 Muslim countries and went to an International school where I had friends  who ran the gamut religious-wise.  I see beautiful and common aspects of all religions and in my heart can't subscribe to / practice only one -
I read Jewish religious texts, sometime attend Methodist church services, fast during Ramadan and meditate on a regular basis - to some I would seem "mixed-up" but to me, I'm just me!!!  :)   

I say all this to say that during my roughest and lowest times, my Christian friends were there for me and told me that God just wanted me to do it "right"... meaning that I would only be blessed again when I was married.  I have a boyfriend, but I'm not in a rush to get married and the ache of wanting another child is so severe.  I DO know a child needs both parents but how do I get rid of this ache until then?  And if I should get pregnant without being married, will I be "punished" again?  I know God is merciful, but why don't I feel that right now?

It is going on 3 years and I don't know if i can take another year of feeling like this every month.  Any advice, words, prayers or affirmations are welcome because I'm feeling so low right now!!!

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 04, 2012 - 10:57PM #2
Posts: 13

How are the feeling now?

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