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Switch to Forum Live View My Daughter is Gone and I'm Going Crazy
10 years ago  ::  Oct 25, 2007 - 2:13AM #1
MichellesMom
Posts: 51
I am restarting this thread.  Sorry I have been gone so long.
Michelle's Mom
Hilda
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 25, 2007 - 4:33PM #2
niecy37
Posts: 3
Hi Hilda i have been having trouble posting but its good to have you back.
mary
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 25, 2007 - 7:17PM #3
jpot
Posts: 8
Hey Hilda,

Welcome back. I really missed you. How are you doing these days? I'm having trouble getting into the DG right now. Hopefully it won't take long to get all the bugs out of the system. Love to all, Jane
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 25, 2007 - 10:13PM #4
MichellesMom
Posts: 51
Thank you everyone.  I am still struggling and feel so alone.  They say your problems build character - I think I have enough character for the rest of my life.
I pray for all of you every day.
Michelle's Mom
Hilda
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 25, 2007 - 10:14PM #5
Sacrificialgoddess
Posts: 9,496
((((Hilda)))))
Dark Energy. It can be found in the observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders. To come to the conclusion that Dark signifies mean and malevolent would define 75% of the Universe as an evil force. Alternatively, to think that some cheerleaders don't have razors in their snatch is to be foolishly unarmed.

-- Tori Amos
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 27, 2007 - 8:26PM #6
BrendaSydnor
Posts: 20
Hi Hilda,
I was beginning to think I wouldn't get to hear from any of my old friends again.  It has really been a pain trying to navigate this new system.  It seems very confusing, but maybe it is just me.
It's good to hear from you.
Brenda
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2007 - 2:13AM #7
Dakotabarrett
Posts: 104
Hi Hilda,
Gee it is like a minefield negotiating this new site.  Hopefully I shall be used to it soon.

I was a bit concerned that nobody - yourself nor anyone else - was writing much on the thread for a couple of weeks before the new site came into being.  I'm glad to see you are back at least, to post.

I'm sorry you are so lonely Hilda, it is a horrible feeling.  What have you tried to help alleviate those deep feelings of longing?  What do you do when you feel most lonely?

Changing our thoughts is the very best way to change the feelings we are having fairly quickly.  If you can begin to focus your thoughts on something nice, something that makes you feel good, perhaps your pets or garden, doing something you like to do now, being in a place that helps you to feel relaxed and calm, you may find the feelings dissipate quicker than if you are just stuck thinking about your loneliness and pain.

As with all things of course, you have to be willing to change your thoughts too.  If you want to be stuck in those thoughts at any time, that is entirely your choice.  Sometimes, feeling downright sad and crying a lot can heal us just as much as feeling great and spending the day laughing.

Laughter is a great way to lift your spirits too.  So if you need to get out of your sadness or depression, grief or loneliness, watching a very funny favourite or new movie or comedy can make you feel much, much better.

As I write this, you are all most likely leading into your Halloween hours, so I do hope you all enjoy the day.  It is not celebrated much in Australia, but I know it is huge in the USA.  So much love, and ghoulish laughter to you all.  hehehe.
Love and Angel Blessings,
Shauna xx (\o/) (\o/) (\o/)
Love and Angel Blessings,
Shauna xx (\o/)(\o/)(\o/)
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2007 - 9:20PM #8
BrendaSydnor
Posts: 20
Hi everyone,
I hope everyone is well.  Hilda, I hope you are doing better. 
This is a really tough time for me.  Sixteen days ago was Angela's anniversary date,  today is my husband's birthday, and next Tuesday will be Angela's birthday.  Actually the anniversary date went well.  I wrote a letter from Angela's perspective and read it to the family.  I don't know how the boys felt about it, but my husband had tears in his eyes.  But last night my sons came over.  My middle child, Jason, fixed Chili (my recipe)for his dad.  Which was really nice.  But after dinner, Jason started criticising me.  He made a comment about me never "being there" when they were growing up.  That I always worked late and that my husband got home before me.  Which didn't actually happen until Jason was almost 16.  Then he started making fun of my cooking.  He said I would come home and cook everything in the microwave.  I noticed that he used my chili recipe which isn't cooked in the microwave.  I think he brought up everytime he was punished for something, like I was just crazy.  It really hurt.  By the time he left, I was almost in tears.  I cried all the way to work.  Jason can say some of the most hurtfull things.  He always focuses on the negative.  He doesn't ever think about the good things.  Like all the times their friends would come over and I would fix brownies (again, not fixed in the microwave!),or how I would always make his friends feel welcome, or the walks to the park , the library and around the neighborhood.  When I started working I would buy each one of them something (usually clothes) every time I got paid.  I would take all three of my children shopping with me.  At no time was Randall, my husband, a part of any of these activities.  Actually the Randall I remember most, was the one sitting in the recliner in front of the T.V. not wanting to be bothered by the children's squabbles. 
I'm sorry, I went off on a rant.  It just really upset me.  Kind of makes me wonder why I am still here.  Is there a reason?  I'm not always sure.
Brenda
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 01, 2007 - 10:07AM #9
Dakotabarrett
Posts: 104
Hi Brenda,
I'm so sorry to hear you have had a rough time with your son love.
You know, often when people treat others negatively, it is because that person is a mirror for what the negative person sees in themself.  Has your son been having a bit of an emotional time lately?  I know that things have been difficult since Angela died, but I mean just in general.  I know that when I am feeling down, someone else's pain can seem almost unbearable to me.  At those times, I feel very selfish and want to say, "for heaven's sake, can't you see I am in pain here?"  I know you were trying to have a lovely time, but who knows what sparks others off on their own journeys.  He is in the blaming mode toward you for some reason, and that is HIS problem love.  Unfortunately, you took the brunt of it and suffered a great deal.
Perhaps if it should happen again, which I sincerely hope it does not, you can remember that you do not deserve his criticism, and let him know that love.  He has a right to express his feelings, but not in such a way that it deliberately hurts you so much.
I hope you have been feeling just a little better, and that you know that one person's opinion is not necessarily true for others.
Just concentrate on feeling the best you can Brenda, and try not to replay this over in your mind.  It happened, now let it go and let it be in the past.  Today is a new day and you have new joys to find today.
Much love and Angel Blessings,
Shauna (\o/) (\o/) (\o/)
Love and Angel Blessings,
Shauna xx (\o/)(\o/)(\o/)
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 03, 2007 - 2:19AM #10
dbelly85
Posts: 1
Michelle's Mom,

    I have tears in my eyes after reading your story. I am a new member of beliefnet and have joined because I suffer from very serious depression. My struggles include a loss of identity, my parents divorce, break up with the love of my life, struggling with school, moving, and lots of other life changes.

   I am writing to you because your words have touched me. I am going to be 22 years old on New Years eve this year. And while I am very close to my mom, and the rest of my family, I sometimes have a hard time understanding what I mean to them. I have suffered from depression for about 2 years now, and often have suicidal thoughts or wishes. It's hard to explain... a dark cloud comes over me and I feel I have nothing to live for. When I look at my reality, I have so many blessings and I am truly greatful... yet I am so unhappy right now I feel sometimes I would be better off dead.

   I realized that if I died, my mother would have much of the same horrible grief to deal with as you do. Reading your thoughts of your daughter and how much you loved her made me cry for my mom. If she ever lost me she would be absolutely devistated. Beyond devistated. She, like you would have trouble figuring out how to go on. And now that I think of it, many other people in my life would feel the same way. I guess when I am in that black hole it's hard to think of my mother, and how heartbroken she would be if I ended my life. She has given me life, taken care of me, and taught me so many things.... I couldn't imagine how sad she would be.

   The grief you suffer from is horrible. And as a victim of losses, I understand the pain. But now because of you I will think twice about ending my life when things get that bad... My mother loves me too much. I hope you are ok, and I will pray for you... and michelle...

Love,
Danielle
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