New Posts For Thread: Beginning the journey thru Divorce - reluctantlyhttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantlyHello, I am back from several months ago as I posted my situation back in May when my husband of 14 yrs (together for 20) just separated. During our separation we began seeing a marriage counselor so I was hopeful we might be able to work things outFocusing your attention more on yourself as you are starting to do will lead you to a more comfortable place ultimately. You are the only one you can change - you can't change anyone else. So as much as it is tempting to hope "if only he would &hellihttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=359684545#359684545Focusing your attention more on yourself as you are starting to do will lead you to a more comfortable place ultimately. You are the only one you can change - you can't change anyone else. So as much as it is tempting to hope "if only he would &helliSat, 10 Oct 2009 10:41:56 -0500Many thanks to all who have replied. I am really trying to "not" have hope at this point and reminding myself of all the reasons why I don't want him in my life. I feel if I hold on to the hope I am going to end up continually going through the painhttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=356921989#356921989Many thanks to all who have replied. I am really trying to "not" have hope at this point and reminding myself of all the reasons why I don't want him in my life. I feel if I hold on to the hope I am going to end up continually going through the painFri, 09 Oct 2009 17:49:55 -0500Randy, it is not at all "too late" and your advice is most welcome and appreciated.http://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=353786425#353786425Randy, it is not at all "too late" and your advice is most welcome and appreciated.Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:31:20 -0500Littlelost,My apologies for my previous post a few minutes ago. I really read what you said, now. Blasted through the first time and missed what was really going on and how far things had gone.I guess it is to late for my advice.I wish for you a new-http://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=353778929#353778929Littlelost,My apologies for my previous post a few minutes ago. I really read what you said, now. Blasted through the first time and missed what was really going on and how far things had gone.I guess it is to late for my advice.I wish for you a new-Mon, 05 Oct 2009 07:40:37 -0500Hi Littlelost,My wife started going to Alanon. It ticked me off. But, finally, I realized that her going must mean I better really look at this. After about a year of her in Alanon, I gave up and went into treatment. It's been almost thirty years nowhttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=353778721#353778721Hi Littlelost,My wife started going to Alanon. It ticked me off. But, finally, I realized that her going must mean I better really look at this. After about a year of her in Alanon, I gave up and went into treatment. It's been almost thirty years nowMon, 05 Oct 2009 07:36:33 -0500I second what Hatman and Spearmint said!The fact is you cannot control his choices no matter how much you want them to be healthier and no matter how much you try. There is only one person you can control, and that is yourself of course. Al-Anon canhttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=353764537#353764537I second what Hatman and Spearmint said!The fact is you cannot control his choices no matter how much you want them to be healthier and no matter how much you try. There is only one person you can control, and that is yourself of course. Al-Anon canMon, 05 Oct 2009 01:17:13 -0500LittleLost-Well, ONE thing that al-anon will do is provide you with a group of people who have been through(or are GOING through) the same or similar things, themselves. Another thing would be to teach about co-dependence and enabling, for helping yhttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=349494289#349494289LittleLost-Well, ONE thing that al-anon will do is provide you with a group of people who have been through(or are GOING through) the same or similar things, themselves. Another thing would be to teach about co-dependence and enabling, for helping ySun, 04 Oct 2009 15:46:18 -0500You make a good point. Thank you for sharing your perspective. My husband did get evaluated for alcohol use and was not diagnosed as an "alcoholic" per say but an abuser of alcohol. I am sure the alcohol use contributed to his poor choices for many yhttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=349460773#349460773You make a good point. Thank you for sharing your perspective. My husband did get evaluated for alcohol use and was not diagnosed as an "alcoholic" per say but an abuser of alcohol. I am sure the alcohol use contributed to his poor choices for many ySun, 04 Oct 2009 11:03:38 -0500As a recovering person myself who was married to an active alcholic many years ago, I can honestly say that I have known more relationships saved by AA and Alanon than I have by counsellors. There are more bad counsellors out there than I care to couhttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=349408081#349408081As a recovering person myself who was married to an active alcholic many years ago, I can honestly say that I have known more relationships saved by AA and Alanon than I have by counsellors. There are more bad counsellors out there than I care to couSat, 03 Oct 2009 21:18:52 -0500LittleLost-I would say, "Yes, of course there's hope," with a "but."IME and from my observation, most people don't learn unless there are serious consequences---often, PAINFUL consequences---that follow their bad behavior. For example, the drunk whohttp://community.beliefnet.com/go/thread/view/43921/20208725/Beginning_the_journey_thru_Divorce_-_reluctantly?post_id=349030449#349030449LittleLost-I would say, "Yes, of course there's hope," with a "but."IME and from my observation, most people don't learn unless there are serious consequences---often, PAINFUL consequences---that follow their bad behavior. For example, the drunk whoWed, 30 Sep 2009 21:54:54 -0500