Sometimes this journey I am on seems very difficult. Tonight I had some quiet alone time and was reflecting on some things and realized that for the past month or so (forty days?) I have been wandering around in the wilderness again. After my parnter (ex)? went to the hospital the last time, i pretty much just stopped practicing my self care. my eating habits have gone to hell, i've gained my weight back and I am back on the caffeine fuill time. I caught myself in a terrible old selfdefeating pattern and ended up haing to run from myself and some situations, made some amends etc. I am so upset with myself for being here again.
Why is it that for a period of time I can practice sush a great amount of self-car and reap the benefits and yet then turn my back and walk away. There is not s single area of my life right now that feels in balance. The scary thing is that I knew this before today and keep making promises to myself but not changing anything.
So , the question is, what do I do now. How is tomorrow going to be any different from today? How am I going to get back into caring for myself and get myself out of this trap I am not caught in becuase I am clinging to the wrong things out of fear.
Tongiht I will pray and mediate about it. My monring starts with work but after work I have to find a way, begin again, even if it is a small baby step.
ANy suggestions are welcome.