For the last week I have been gone from my home, interacting with lots of different people and doiing lots of different things. The week ended with coming howm and working a full shift and work abe being actually quite tired.
Usually I love my alone time and use it to regenerate. Today though, it just feels very silent and very empty. It makes me realize that by ending my relationship more of my time will be spent in this silence then in the compnay of others now. That, at the moment, seem daunting. What will I do to fill my alone time. I have stopped watching tv and am trying to do less internet time. Reading is good but stll a very solitary activity.
But I know that, as the quote I took from Me before we :
"Better to be compainionless than with others that take away from how grat I feel about me, whether this refers to family, friends or a man."
it is better for me to be alone that in a relationship that is not healthy for me. Still I wonder and fear if I let go off what I have now, will I be alone forever. I say with much bravado that I dont care if i am, but I know that at least one part of me does care. And i know that it would be hard, but I could recover the relationship I am in the process of letting go and that for awhile, it would sooth my heart.
I just wish I was not alone right now. Must be time to pray.