I can't even begin to describe how devastated I am right now.  Just two nights ago I was sitting in my bedroom using my laptop when I heard my mother's frantic voice coming from the living room.  I ran downstairs only to find out that she was on the phone with my aunt who was telling her that my cousin had been killed in a motorcycle accident.

Initially, despite my shock, my first thought was that I needed to call my sister and tell her the news.  I could barely talk but I got the message across and then asked her to make some phone calls while I contacted some of my cousins.  The toughest phone call was to my cousin Michelle.  Her husband answered the phone and then gave it to her.  By the time she answered, my throat was constricted and all I could say was that I had really bad news.  She panicked when I wasn't able to continue and handed the phone back to her husband.  He waited while I calmed down and when I was finally able to talk again, all I could say was that Josh had died in an accident.  I could hear his tears in his voice while he told my cousin.  She was certain he heard me wrong so she got back on the phone to clear things up.  I told her all I knew was that he had been in a motorcycle accident and he was killed.

In retrospect, I'm amazed that I was even able to make that phone call.  Now everytime I think about it, the tears well up and I get a lump in my throat.  I come from a big family with 2 siblings and 11 cousins so there are 14 of us total (on my mom's side of the family).  We're all very close which I think is unusual so this hit me really hard.  And of all people, he was the one who would have been able to comfort people in such a difficult time.  To think I'll never be able to hear his laugh again is excruciating.

There are two thoughts that are somewhat comforting to me right now.  The first is that I know he's with my Gram right now, teasing her the way he always did and giving her hell.  The second is that he's also with Jesus and hopefully someday I'll see him again.

Anyway, I needed to get that off of my chest because I've been holding it in and I feel slightly better.  To anyone else who has gone through this or is currently going through it, God is with you and your loved one.  If you need to talk, please feel free to leave me a message.

God bless!