Hi,  I'm e23nature / a.k.a. Elaine.   I've been a member of Beliefnet for a few years; receiving helpful newsletters & going to the website to read informative articles.  However, This year, 2008, I have just joined some support groups for interaction w/others. The main reason I'm here is Major Depression (or else Bi-Polar II Disorder..it's in question) & Chronic Pain. It's nice to know I'm not alone.  Depression & Chronic PAIN are big parts of my life. FAITH in the Lord is a bigger part of my life.! Thank God I got thru raising my children before the depression really hit hard!  In recent yrs both the pain & depression have gotten worse, I think, because of 2 abrupt changes in my life. One, of which is too heart breaking for me to discuss. Before the aforementioned changes, I already had some Depression, (it was manageablew/meds & counseling)partially due to financial stress & the general anxiety I had while raising my children, essentially, alone. There were times where they (and I) just needed that missing parent/spouse!  Depression & other Mental Illnesses run in my family. Schizophrenia & Bi-Polar eventually factored in to my Dad  taking his own life. The Major Depression or Bi-Polar II Disorder that I have now, I am ashamed to say, almost cost me my life in Sept '06.  Soon after that crisis I decided to make some positive changes in my life. Getting active in the online groups is one of those positive actions where I can interact with other people with similar problems. I would like to learn how others deal with their problems. Also, I am a good listener, and hope to eventually be able to help some of you.  I'm not used to being a "receiver.'  I'm used to being a "giver."  I have done a lot of volunteer work, especially at our local Crisis Center, Church, School, various Community organizations, and more. My physical injuries have stopped me from doing most of that, momentarily.  This change in my life has been traumatic to both my body & my mind. I know I need to get over it. I hope & pray to eventually get my mind straight; accept that I will never be able to be the active or outdoors person I've been all of my life; then I'll be able to move on.

I was a very involved parent, even successfully coached my son's baseball team a couple of years.  My children are grown now & I still haven't gotten used to the "empty-nest".  I've become even more depressed since both of them have grown up & have left home.  So much of my life's pleasures were due to my children.  Both of them now live long distance from me.  I miss having them around on a regular basis.  We use to be such a close family! I miss having access to them in person everyday.  I really miss my grandson (7) & granddaughter (2).  I hardly know my granddaughter. I'm losing touch with my Grandson. It's killing me. For a while my daughter still lived in town & I was used to spending a lot of time with her family, including my young grandson. After she moved out of town, I made weekly trips to see them. I would spend one entire day alone with my Grandson. What joy! We played with many of his toys. Yes, I am a big kid. We played most of the day, and perhaps watched a DVD. I loved to spend with them. If we weren't with them, my son & I always came up with something we both liked to do, like go to Arena Football games or attend a minor league baseball game. etc. The chronic pain has worsened with time. It makes it difficult to make the drive, however, for a long time, For a while, I still went to hang at my daughter's on a regular basis.  Now, however my aging truck (in addition to my aging body) is in need of lots of work. Work that I can not afford, before I can venture out of town. It's been this way for the past 2-1/2 yrs. Maybe my Disability will be approved before too long & I can get my truck repaired.  

I hope I didn't "talk" too much. However, you should know some things about me & why I am here. 

I've recently applied for Disability; physical & mental. I am still waiting for a determination from SS. In the meantime, after cutting my hours twice due to my problems, I have finally had to acknowledge to myself, that I just could not handle a job...that really depresses me. I have no income at all, but think something will break through with the Disability within the next 30-90 days.  I'm really having a difficult time.  Won't you please pray for me?  Thank you in advance.

I am trying to keep my head up, continue my prayers to the Lord, thanking him that I am not worse off than I am.  I am Blessed & I know it.  But it doesn't change the chronic pain, money situation or depression.  My FAITH is what has always kept me going!  Somehow, I am going to get to a point of peace & acceptance. I admit I have to work harder on keeping my faith up to where it needs to be up in recent yrs.  Just in recent months, since I've joined some support groups, I feel my faith getting stronger & my depression @ least not getting worse; but I still have a lot of work to do, in order to get myself where I want & need to be.         

I've recently shortened this up quite a bit. It still seems kinda long. But now you know more about me & why I am here.  I need some support & I hope to give support. 

Like the Jimmy Buffet song "that's my story & I'm sticking it!"   

Peace & Love in Christ,  e23nature / Elaine

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