Far be it for someone with bipolar disorder to tell a fellow traveler she's not THAT depressed. I have no doubt you are.

A touch of gentle advice, though. As long as you are going to wait until -- what, your kids grow up -- live AS IF. As if you will find a mission that will give your life meaning enough to endure even with this godforsaken disease putting your mood in the toilet.

You never know -- even without looking consciously, even by just trudging day by day, nevertheless you just might find that purpose.

(Not a sermon, just a thought.)

There's a lot of us who are in the same boat. I have lived with depression for 16 years now. It runs in my family but I didn't have it very bad until I was in my mid-thirty's. Now I live with it everyday and I felt more than a few times like it wasn't worth going on. But I'm glad I've hung in there. Most people have to deal with something bad in there lives; poverty, alcohol addiction, drugs, cheating spouse, etc. So life isn't easy for a lot of people in the world. Just HOPE that you will find something that will help you and hang in there! Message me if you feel like chatting. :)