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    can't stop thinking about his ex

    Wednesday, March 7, 2012, 6:36 PM [General]


    My name is Rachel and I have been slowly destroying my relationship with my boyfriend for about the past 5 months. I need help. I love him more than anyone I have ever loved in my entire life and I don't want to lose him. I have been to a counselor many times and nothing seems to be working, at all!

    The short story: We have been dating for almost 2 years now and I can't stop obsessing over his last ex. He tells me everything I want to hear, that I'm the only one he's ever loved, etc. But, for some reason I (irrationally) can't stop thinking about her and them together. I don't know what to do...

    And here's the long story: My boyfriend's name is Chris. He's smart and funny and the kindest person I have ever known. We first met when he began working at my father's bowling alley, I was 14 years old and he was 18. I always thought he was extremely cute, but I always thought he was out of my reach. I started working there when I was 15 and we were simply co-workers, which I was completely fine with at the time. I dated other boys my age and he dated other girls his age. None of his other girlfriends bother me except for this last one. The summer before my senior year in high school, when I was 17 and he was 21, Chris and I began texting eachother all day and night (I had to delete my inbox multiple times a day). That summer I was out of state with my family on vacation. When I returned home from vacation I asked Chris to hang out with me, but every time I asked he was "too busy" (he just wasn't that into me, I've read the book). So I gave up and thought that he just didn't like me, I was bummed out for a few days, but I had so much going on and I moved on. Then in August/September I found out he had just started dating another girl. She was a few years older than him and had a kid. She had tattoos all over, smoked cigarettes, lived on a farm, listened to country music, drank too much, and was just the COMPLETE polar opposite of what I am (and what I thought he was). As you can assumed I was beyond hurt and angry. She stopped by the bowling lanes multiple times, with her kid, which unfortunately led to me seeing them together. I thought it was disgusting and laughed at him. I told myself he obviously was NOT the person I thought he was and therefore I couldn't possibly be attracted to him and in turn was not attractive to him. I had a fun senior year in high school and went out on dates with other guys. Chris ended up breaking up with that "thing" around Decmeber/January. After he broke up with her he texted me and inside joke about a resturant we liked in February or March. Then in April we started texting all day and night all over again. We then started dating in June and have been together ever since. I've talked to him multiple times about "the thing" and he tells me that the reason why he broke up with her is that he realized one day that he had never loved her and he finally came to his senses and realized what he was doing. I asked him why he never wanted to hangout with me in July before my senior year, he says it was because I was 17 years old (I turned 18 in September) and that I was his boss's daughter. He also tells me that he always thought I was cute but that I was too young and the boss's daughter. He also tells me that dating her was a huge mistake and he wishes he could go back and not date her. He says that if he had known how I felt in July he probably wouldn't have dated her. I just keep tormenting myself with these images of them together as lovers,playing with her daughter, and playing family in her house. I keep asking him all these questions about what they did together and he is rightfully getting upset with me. I just can't stop, all these comsume me on a daily basis. The smallest thing reminds me of her and them. As I said before I have been to counseling and these thought still happen all the time. I need help! I don't want to leave him but I can't keep dealing with these awful feelings. I hate him some days, I feel dirty whenever he touches me intimately. I don't want his past to win but I can't live like this. Sometimes I think that maybe love isn't enough and maybe I just know too much and have seen too much for our relationship to ever really work, maybe both of us will be better if I just leave....


    Lost, Confused and Tormented

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