In the depths of the starry night sky. Where no human has ever been to. That is the place I desire to be. To sit at the table of those whom laid down the steps for me to walk. Those whom taught me to read. There are those whom taught me to fight. To lay down my arms. Grip life with relentless passion. To accept Death and Defeat. All my dreams seem but dust. All my hopes seem like dreams. My ideals seem like a faith that has no name.
I've been alone yet not alone. I have no one to confide to about my true self. Only to spirit. I do not know of the universe or its mysteries. In searching for outer knowledge is only a madness of the mind. Everything has its mysteries. In time I shall perish. It is the fate of all things. Yet I don't fear it nor seek it. It will always be there and I will be here till then.
I have no Lover no Other. In a sense I'm one of the Loneliest entities in the world. An entity that has no Romance, no Sexual Fulfillment, no dialogue, no Presence. I am purely and utterly alone in the physical realm. I have no attachment if any to almost all things. Even my words I hardly can grasp. The makeup of my identity vanishing into silence.
It would be unfortunate for the soul that awakens me in anger. For I have no attachment to the restraint of my anger. Nor to the workings of mankind. I no longer see the value of human life in my agreement with mother nature. The compassion and love is all but faded away from most of humanity. Only through yielding to the suffering that is self inflicted have I hoped they would open their eyes. I have turned a blind eye to their plight. I have given up on helping. I rest alone in darkness, cold, silent, with a desire and hope that is fading.
Its not arrogance that is in my breath. Nor is it contempt. It is pity. Self pity. I can not help but whine over how much mind energy is ripping the world up. The mind of multitudes full of fear and disarray. Its madness destroys and undermines almost every act of compassion. It breaks my heart if my heart wasn't so broken and crushed already. Yet I laugh so no one can see me cry. I dance so no one could say that I was not in tune. I pretend so that no one can single me out.
Yet I feel otherworldy, unworldy, as if I never belonged at all. Only to be a witness to its Being all alone in Silence. Like a dying star in the night sky peering into the expanse breaking apart into nothingness. Do I even belong on this planet? I often wonder what it would be like if I never existed at all. Then what? No one would realize who I was or who I am. No one would believe my power or ability. The things that I have done in the astral realms. The entities of other dimensions. They could only dream of what I've seen or where I've been. Never knowing who they were standing right next to.
If the stars could speak to you the story of my life. You'd have a great laugh and realize how I've been lonely for so long the cause of it all. Too bad I don't even know the story of my life. There are parts that I can not remember they seemed important but I don't remember. If I knew then I could get rid of certain nagging fears from returning. So I am at a lost for words. No place is my home. Nowhere is my destination. I'm this vagrant traveler searching for Soulmate Love in this expansive Universe.