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    Careful what you ask for cause you might get it!

    Monday, October 13, 2008, 10:36 PM [General]

    I have been undergoing some reconstruction to say the very least. I had recently shared with yall that I needed to do some rebuilding, the renewing has been underway for some time and I have spent so much time struggling that I havent slowed down long enough to see the growth. WOW how crazy is that I mean I really have to get it together. I guess that part about listening and being still is hard for me. Please help me pray that I listen and make Godly decisions NOT in anger. It is so hard not to loose it with a smart mouthed 18 yo. And that everything with my uncle works out for Gods will. I have more people here than are on the lease. But he is 69 and on dialysis 3x a week. If it be Gods will let him find a place or open the right doors and close the ones that need to stay closed. 
     I dont get it how come when   you try and help over and over that I am the one always getting dumped on. I need to sharpen my visual to the spiritual so that the emotional stays in check or at the weak end of the stick. Family  sorry folks but they are THE worst! I guess cause it hurts so much more when  the disrespect and discord coming from them they aim at you . Well let me the first one to tell you that this old girl is done being played the fool. I guess if I just get extremely cautious almost hard to guard my heart. Thanks for listening to me babble some more. O yea and whatz up with never an apology just come backand act like never happened. I am missing something in the translation. Any input ?371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Hey everyone

    Sunday, October 12, 2008, 5:19 PM [General]

     i dont have the first clue this will go because in the last week a couple of thing have happened and now I have a house full. And that is againgt my lease first of all. and I have to go talke to management in the morning Help me to pray that God open all the right doors and close the ones that should stay shut. And help me to continue to see His movement in my life, there is a work going on and I am grateful for it I just need to keep on aiming at what is important and that is surrounding myself with people that decrease my struggle instead of increase it. I have been  being taunted by some of the more obvious demons in my life and I know these are tests I must pass. Fortunately I have a Fatber in heavan who I depend on to guide me, because left up to my own I have proven futile. LOL I leave it up to Him for His glory honor and praise. His will be done.371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Missed you all

    Saturday, October 11, 2008, 4:32 PM [General]

    Greeting and salutations, friends. I have been in a bit of healing time out. I had broke my wrist after a fall. Nothing serious just hard to type. No where near healed but i wanted to check in. Today is kinda gray and cloudy and I am enjoying my music and relaxing. My life has been full of much stress and trials. I am going to have to make some decisions and I need Gods wisdom in the answers. Hard or not I need guidance daily and the last weeks have been trying. So please Pray with me for me to make the Godly decisions about my nephew and uncle. As well as all other areas of my life.

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    Blessed and tested

    Monday, September 22, 2008, 8:43 PM [General]

    Seeig things the way that  you want them to be has its advantages. But reality is that when you fail a test then you have to take it again until you have met said requirements. I love my nephew and I have declined my original stand of "you can't come back until..." He called me yesterday after going without something to eat and a place to live for over a week. My Mom recently  passed away, his mom battling her own demons of addiction and the world. What am I to do... Please pray that God keep my emotions in check, I love him and right now he needs good sound guidance and for the first time in my life even thru my own trials that I have to help him not just in the flesh but the spirit. An arrow to be aimeed if  you will. His will be done.371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Guidance

    Thursday, September 18, 2008, 5:49 PM [General]

    I have been in prayer for some time seeking which path to take. And that has come to me from a word from some one I trust. My spiritual Mom. Alma (love) and she is named correctly. Her advice was simple and from the heart "Come home" I have always heard that you can never go home, but of one thing I am sure I was never a better person or closer to God than when I lived in Artesia NM. The reality of this life is that you have to stand up for what you believe sometime in your life. When I was there I made many mistakes but the worst of all being that I didn't bother to ask my Pastor much less God if it was my time to go. Alot of people don't understand that but I my self have learned so many times the hard way that my decisions are not even close to the right thing to do. I have been giving my self 3 choices, OK of the 3 which one is this The one with the most love and the most dicipline. WHAT did I really just say that? No that is the voice inside me speaking for what I need. Thank you Jesus. 371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Glory to God

    Wednesday, September 17, 2008, 2:12 PM [General]

    I missed you all, I have been away from my computer for a while. And God is doing a mighty work in my life. All around me the walls are coming down and God is building something He wants in my life because I humbled myself and asked yet again. Isnt it wonderful that He is God and in our ignorance or rebellion He never leaves US. I have had to face this spirit of depression and The doctors say that I am psycotic because I hear the voice of God. I have a daily relationship, not perfect by any means but I have began to read the word daily pray and fellowship with the Lord and Savior of my life. I know the time is near when He will return I have had such a conviction and an urgency to work on my life that I have made some major steps toward Him I can only pray that it wont be as Mama use to say a day late and a dollar short. Help me to pray that God remove the spirit of condemnation, I know it so wrong but the firy darts come and beat this weak flesh down some time I know I am a child of the King of Kings and I have that Joy and today I will place these things into balance and go forward for Christ. I have to open this part of my life to my friends in the community, because God said be specific, Bind and remove the spirit of homosexuality that oppresses my family as well as the spirit of addiction and backsliding. GODS will and guidance for my life. Thank you for listening to the ravings of the Jesus freak. Love and Prayers to all.371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Tomorrow I have to start all over

    Friday, August 22, 2008, 2:48 AM [General]

    Why is it that I can never lay down without that feeling of "I have failed, yet again, and I have to start all over again tomorrow. I know it is probably all in the concept, but I feel like such a failure each day. And somedays it is hard to get up and do it again. I know that dosen't make sense to anyone but me, but I started not to write this at all. I know that we are never going to be perfect but if we stop trying to at least do better daily, what is the point, really? I only know that there is some purpose for my life or it would be over. Even after surviving the back infection and surgeries and the nursing homes. I feel life i am just existing, stagnating, not living. I guess that is the underlying problem. First we identify and then we correct. Well who said journaling wasn't productive. Oh yea yall are reading this . Didn' mean to ramble, but I didn't have anything to say, I thought. LOL Please keep praying for me, and my family. God knows,   Tx371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Blessings in disguise

    Thursday, August 21, 2008, 1:23 AM [General]

    For the last week nightly I have had a visitor. A young man, who last weekend came home to find his father dead of a massive heart attack. He has been surrounded by the death and suicide of numerous people in the last year and he is 17. Some times I feel so full of self pity and God will show me so many things just through the people in my life. Count your blessings. Just being able to fellowship with this young man has been such a help to me, he comes to check on me just cause. His Mom has been out of town this week and this kid goes to work comes and I fix him supper and then he goes home. He is well grounded and today he said some thing that made my heart smile. First I thought he was talking about the soup, and then he said "That too, but you are amazing, I probably would have been a mess this last week since my dad, but you have really helped me." I really didn't process it till after he was gone but Glory to the Spirit, the Comforter sent to each at the perfect time. I just thought it was kool that we are both better for knowing the other. You can learn from a youngun if you listen. Thank you Jesus for friends and blesssings of the heart 371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Looking forward to tomorrow

    Monday, August 18, 2008, 4:59 PM [General]

    For the first time in my life, I am going to be able to just be me. All my life I have been who someone else wanted me to be, crazy I know but very real. I wanted to be the best daughter, I failed... I wanted to be the best wife, I failed. I wanted to be the best Mom, I failed, I wanted to be the best christian, I failed. After everything I find myself finding myself. And I actually ain't to bad. People don't mind talking to me and I actually have some things to share. I went to a banquet a few weeks ago and it really touched my heart. A man said " To those that much is given much is expected" and with that one statement God has made me count my blessings and begin to look forward to the tomorrow He has planned for me and be excited to be alive, for the first time in my life. Someday soon it will make sense and until that day, the best me that I can be for His honor and glory is all I ask. Yall keep me and my family in your prayer. OH HEY Praise report my oldest daughter quit smoking weed and that is answered prayer. Thank you Jesus371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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    Looking forward to tomorrow

    Monday, August 18, 2008, 4:58 PM [General]

    For the first time in my life, I am going to be able to just be me. All my life I have been who someone else wanted me to be, crazy I know but very real. I wanted to be the best daughter, I failed... I wanted to be the best wife, I failed. I wanted to be the best Mom, I failed, I wanted to be the best christian, I failed. After everything I find myself finding myself. And I actually ain't to bad. People don't mind talking to me and I actually have some things to share. I went to a banquet a few weeks ago and it really touched my heart. A man said " To those that much is given much is expected" and with that one statement God has made me count my blessings and begin to look forward to the tomorrow He has planned for me and be excited to be alive, for the first time in my life. Someday soon it will make sense and until that day, the best me that I can be for His honor and glory is all I ask. Yall keep me and my family in your prayer. OH HEY Praise report my oldest daughter quit smoking weed and that is answered prayer. Thank you Jesus371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c
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