I was born and raised in a Christian home and believed it for most of my life. A few years ago, however, I started questioning many of the doctrines and discovered that I don't follow/believe most of them, which in turn, caused me to question my faith, what there was of it. I discovered that there is no such thing as "a personal relationship with Jesus Christ", but that it is a "buzz phrase" used in Christian circles as a means to make people believe that something true exist. Through prayer and studying the "word of God", I was suppose to believe that THOSE acts are my way to have this "relationship", but it was all dependent upon my OWN faith that it was even happening. I heard no voices, felt no "presence", but felt completely isolated from anything beyond myself when I attempted to read the Bible or pray.
My lack of "faith ability" has since caused me to "deconvert" from any traditional Christian faith, and sent me on a voyage of discovery, ultimately leading to a book about my deconversion, and why. I am in the process of finding a publisher, at the moment.
When I'm not "playing a role of and actual christian" at my local church, I spend my time watching TV or going over to my brother's or sister's house. I have a good job where I design forms. I live by myself in a one bedroom apartment and try my best to enjoy life.
I am in a search for what is really true, in the spiritual. I have yet to find it, and sometimes wonder IF I will find it, but my search is sincere, so I would hope that he/she/they which is real will help me find my way to him/her/them.