My name is Deau and I am new to the group.  I am a person that seeks inner peace throughout my problems such as Depression/Anxiety Disorder, PTSD and acute,chronic, relentless pain.  I am good with listening and taking suggesstions.  I enjoy my therapy because it is useful.  I do have moment when  think people think that I am a fake because you must really look closely at me to see my diabilities.  That is due to years of practicing a semblence of normalcy.  I have a high threshold for pain.  I don't want to be pittied--I want help.  I was deeply scarred when I was 22 yers of age when my family thought I was faking leg pain until I went into convulsions from acute phlebitis.  I almost lost my leg because there was a well organized glissening cyst under my left patella that tore the anterior miniscus.  I had two operations on that knee and two back surgeries, laminectomies and disc removal.  I also have a inoperable burst fracture between the shoulder blades that causes headaches, spinal disalignment and relentless pain.  My hands and feet buzz.  There are often times that it feels like someone is turning a key in my back to crank up the pain.  But I'm the lucky one because I can walk and stand up straight on my own.  I use a cane for balance.  I went through a bout of hopelessness that led to substance abuse but I have 3.5 years of sobriety.  I have learned to stop hiding in pain and shame.  I can express myself and help somebody else.  If it wasn't for God love for me I would surely be wheelchair bound and/or dead.  For my sisters and brothers suffering chronic pain and chronic mental conditions keep hope live.  I love you and pray for you, too.