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7 years ago  ::  Mar 30, 2008 - 1:25PM #1
Sunshine05240830
Posts: 0
  I have a age old question for a topic. Is it really better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all? When we are reffering to your children.
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7 years ago  ::  Apr 01, 2008 - 7:41PM #2
DONNA T
Posts: 7

Hello, my name is Donna, I'm new to this group, so I guess I need to start from the begining.I lost my beloved 23 yr. old son to cancer on my birthday in 2002. He was told he had cancer after the doctor removed a mole from his chest. After they removed it, it spread all over his body. He[Billy] had the mole removed in august of 2002. The doctors told us he would live maybe 2 years, there is no cure or treatment for his kind of cancer. he had to have two more surgerys to remove the lyphnodes from under his arms, because it was spreading so fast.with in 2 months Billy was not able to move his legs or think right. This was because of the tumors that were spreading through his body.Finally after his 5th stay in the hospital they sent him home to die, we had hospice taking care of him. He came home on a wednesday and was doing radation treatment 2 times a day.Well on Monday may 6 2002[my birthday]he lost his battle with cancer. He only lived 5 days , they had told me I had 6 weeks with him. My whole world fell apart and so did the rest of my familys, his death nearly destroyed us all. Some turned to drugs and alchol.  but , you see, I knew he had given his life to God and I knew that I wanted to see him again. So I turned to God for comfort,I had been a chirstain for a while. but after I got over being angry at God for taking my son. I new he was in a better place and he wasn't hurting anymore. It has brought me closer to God, If it hadn't been for my faith in God and the love and support of family and friends, I would never had made it. I did have a nervous breakdown and was in the hospital for 1 week. But I'm better now, i still cry for him I miss him. His birthday was 3-29 he would have been 29.I wander sometimes what he would be like today. I'm on medicines to help me cope, But God helps me more than anything or anybody. I'm so glad I fOUND this website it has already helped me in so many ways. You are a great bunch of people on here, and it does help to talk to other that have been through what you have.I thank God for leading me here. I give him all the PRAISE AND GLORY FOR HELPING ME THROUGH IT ALL. There is more to my story but maybe some other time, I think that is enough for now. Thank you for letting me talk about this it really helps.  Your Friend, Donna T.


 

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7 years ago  ::  Apr 04, 2008 - 10:19PM #3
fieldsofwildflowers88
Posts: 0
So it is said, that it's better to have loved and lost then to have not loved at all....I beg to differ.  My son will have been gone 9 years this June and I have yet to find any solace in that stupid saying. I am, as you might see, still very angry. You see, for me, I've had one of those childhoods where I had wished and prayed that I could have the "normal" life, filled with love and closeness like my friends had...but I didn't.  I went through what I feel was hell.  I wanted to end it all many times when I was in my teens and one time actually came pretty close to crossing that line...but I didn't, for some "Godly" reason, I am still here today. All I wanted was to have the chance to love, and be loved by someone, anyone. It wasn't until I got pregnant during my first marriage and then gave birth, that I realized a prayer had possibly been answered. I had given birth to my son, Robert.  I then began to give him all that I knew how to give of myself....Love...and I was loved right back! Approx. 6 months into Robert's life, he was diagnosed with a rare disease that would effect his whole body until the day he drew his last breath at the age of 10.  Robert was my one and only and for medical reasons, I cannot have anymore.  Every day I think of the love of my life, my son...and it still hurts so much that he isn't here...I can't hold him, I can't see him, I can't wipe his tears away, I can't share silly moments that would cause him to laugh so hard that he would fall over while he was sitting...all of it...GONE...nothing but picture frames and fading memories.  So no, I don't think it's better to have loved and lost then to have not loved at all....I was given a gift only to have it taken away...why would "God" do that? I just don't understand it.
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7 years ago  ::  Apr 04, 2008 - 10:39PM #4
fieldsofwildflowers88
Posts: 0

A note to go along with the post above:  Thanks for letting me share...sorry it doesn't sound so uplifting, but it's just how I feel. I too am new to these groups and I'm hoping that someone, somewhere might offer up a bit of hope or maybe some help in understanding why life plays out the way it does. 


Thanks,


Kathy

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7 years ago  ::  Apr 07, 2008 - 8:20AM #5
Derbyshire
Posts: 4

Dear Fields.....


I think I understand your pain and anger.  My son died in 1996.  I still get very angry about it sometimes.  Mostly, I just feel he pain. This has left a hole in my soul. One day, he's here on earth and I can call him on the phone.  The next, I have two Marines on my porch telling me he's dead.   As much as this event has torpedoed my life, though, I cannot imagine not having my son in my life for the 24 years that God gave me with him.  So, yes, it stinks, but I would do it again.  The main, [and only reason back then], that I did not consider taking my own life is because I have 2 other children.  They are 29 and 30 now.  I could not allow them to think that their brother was more important to me than they are.  So I stayed.  I hope God allows me to see my son again when I die. 

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7 years ago  ::  Apr 09, 2008 - 9:34AM #6
love my jesus
Posts: 2

Dear fieldofwildflowers88,


  Oh! how I understand your pain! Remember that God is so very GOOD! I lost my Daughter 12 years ago to suicide. She used a police officers gun and shot herself in the head. I was destroyed. God touched me and let me know that she is in heaven starting me on a path to His understanding. For years I prayed that Jesus would not offened that I wanted to see Missy again first. On my Journey that changed and now I want to see that hands and feet that saved me first. I resently got a book called 90 min in heaven and I hope you can get a copy and read it. In my faithfulness, I had a question of who I would see first. This book showed me that it would be my daughter Missy first. God will Bless you with understanding, just open your heart to Him. The road for me has not been easy either. Raised by abusive parents, married and devorced 3 and almost 4 times. Lost my Mother 4 years after losing my daughter. My living daughter Jessica has had 2 Children that she has adopted out and now God has Blessed me with a Grandson that is in my life. The one thought that keeps me going is that I want to hear Jesus tell me "Well done my good and faithful servant". May God Bless You with His understanding! Remember that it was not God who took your Son, it was sin! God has provided a way for you and your Son to be together for eternity. Without Jesus you and your Son would be forever separated. God also loves you so very much and has purpose for your life. You are His Chosen one.Through you he will Bless your whole family! I feel as though I am rambling, I think it's cause I feel your pain and want so much to help you! Just know that I am praying that God will touch you like He did me. I will keep you in my prayers!    Cindy

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7 years ago  ::  Apr 18, 2008 - 3:50AM #7
cdkelley
Posts: 164

Hello everyone,


I'm so sorry for all of you & the loss you have each suffered from losing your child.


I lost my only child,my son,David,to suicide 19 years ago.


Kathy,I do understand what you mean about feeling as if you were given a gift,only to have it,literally yanked out of your very arms.I guess I thought I achieved the ultimate clairification from God  when I had my child.


I finally felt that I was a good person,that all the sadness & past trauma's of my childhood was over,& I was Blessed with the ultimate gift,my very own child. I was only a child yet myself,really....just 16 years old. And I buried him at the age of 33, 16 years later.


I can't give you the answers you need,only you know those.I only know that even though I walk with this pain so deep in my very being & will until the day I die,that my life would have never meant anything to me if I hadn't been so blessed with my child.


So I think,yes,it's better to have loved & lost,then to have never held him in my arms,shared the world through his beautiful brown eyes as he learned & grew,or felt the  unconditional love or seen the light that shined in his eyes when he used to say,"I love you Mom."


Oh yes,it hurts & I catch myself still sometimes thinking,"If only" or what if",but I learned I will only know those answers when God deems for me too. And I hope,no,I know,that will be when I'm re-united with my son,& all my loved ones in Heaven. But... by then,I won't care,because that's why it's called Heaven.


I will keep all of you in my prayers,


Take care & God Bless,


Cathy :)


 


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7 years ago  ::  May 24, 2008 - 4:23AM #8
Derbyshire
Posts: 4

Cathy........


Your son is beautiful.  He reminds me of my son.  I miss him so very much.


Thank you for the last post. 


Moira

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6 years ago  ::  May 31, 2008 - 9:30PM #9
vick2008
Posts: 21

Kathy, I am new here but I think I understand some of the anger you are feeling. I lost my son 4 years ago. He was found dead. They believe he had a seizure but are not sure. I have moments I just wanted to end it. But I also have another son and step-son. Another posting about not wanting to make them feel like their brother was more important I also understand. There are still days I get so angry that nothing or nobody can do anything right. I am a terror to live with on these days. I am on anti-depressants and if I wasn't I am sure I wouldn't be here now. If you ever want to chat or talk feel free to email me. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone and there is others just like you. This is one club I wish nobody ever had to join. I would like to ask something of anyone who reads this... I feel since my son died that nothing on earth can happen to me now that is worse. Does anyone else feel this way?


Thanks for letting me vent, vick2008

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