Well here I go again... I havnt been here in a while so this is what is happening now. Well my very heated hot flashes has subsided. And other things have been happening. Yesterday I went to see my pcp an there were several thing that I needed to address to him.Well things were happening with my health an every time I would call because something was happening to me, health wise. He wouldnt even call me back. Some times I would leave a message with his receptionist an she would call me back to see if I was ok. And she tell me that she has to check with pcp to open up some time sceduals. But he never ever seems to call me back. Well on tuesday I went to see him an I had several things to be done. 1. was to see an artheritus specialist. 2. was to get a sleep apnea test done. 3. was to see a dentist. Well guess what he said ? HE SAID I WAS IMAGINING ALL THESE THINGS ! Can you believe that ??? And he told me that its just my ANXIETY & THAT I THINK AN WORRY TO MUCH ABOUT MY HEALTH. IM A WORRIER !!! Then he said that theres gonna come to a point when he just have to say NO !!! an deny me any help that I need. And I need to work thing out my pychiatrist. oh he hurt my feeling really bad that I started to cry and I stomped outta there. I headed straight for the liquior store cause I wanted to drink, I was pissed !!! If he's not gonna help me f**k*m (Exscuse my language) But I never bought any liquior I just bought me a bottle of pepsi & ciggerettes. But the rest of the afternoon it was still in my mind to drink an to beat up anybody who got in my way. I was so pumped I couldnt believe my doctor said that. He's been are family pcp for years now. Anyways my friend called me to go for a cruz that night just to ride around an talk.Well we ended up at the beach an we just chilled there for a while then we headed home. I was okay then., but next day I felt like I had a no-care in the world additude. An I still wanted to drink but I didnt. (Thank God !) But anyways my friend suguested that I change my pcp. And I think Ill do that. Yesterday I went to another friends house, just to take my mind of things, an to keep me from doing something stupid. Well anyways... I think Im doing okay... I dunno yet ? Kinda mix moods right now. Anyways thanks for reading about me. God Bless Everyone !!!

Anyways here whats happening in my life now. Its been a few weeks since I last jotted down stuff. Well my hot flashes are calming down now, but every now an then it pops up & I get so fustrated. I cant do nuthing when this happens and its a yucky feelin. Other then that just tryin to cope with life the best way I know how. I've been spending weekends at my brothers house in kaneohe. Its like 3 weekends in the row. I like it there cause I always have somebody to talk to. And my nephews really make me happy. Wether there jumping around going crazy & being nauty, or just being plain good boys. They keep me smiling a lot. I love them so much.

I also started a journal on a composition book. This helps me when I get my anxiety & hot flashes. I use this method to keep my mind on something positive & I write what ever is going on with me at the moment & what ever else comes to mind. And it really help me to keep my mind off of my sickness. An honestly it been working for me !!! YES, IT HAS !!! Oh an by the way, Im not taking that MAX~gxl anymore. I think that its not for me & it works to much into overtime as far as energy goes. But yea, Im done with that. But I wont say that its a bad product. Just my body cant handle the energy that it give you. Anyways... Thats it for now. until next time. Mahalo & Aloha !!!

July 22, 2008 

Well here I go again... well let me see... my life is kinda a hum drum now if you know what I mean. It seems like I'm always getting sick now. I always get these boiling hot flashes an there so hot on my head its like a rice cooker burning. My leg has been hurting me a lot & its been very weak. I cry all the time cause I dont know why this is happening ? Ive been rushed to the hospital thinking that Im having a stroke because my legs are very weak an its hard for me to walk. Chest pains & body aches all over. It is so stressfull. I dont know what to do. I try to do something with myself so I dont think about getting sick. Sometimes it works. Those are the times when I get out my composition book an I just start writitting about my symtiyms an about the things Ive done durring the day. Or maybe Ill read a magazine. But that doesnt last to long either. I try to go to sleep but I cant because my body is acheing so much. I dunno whats happening but I know I have the support of my brother & im thankful for that, really I am greatful for my brother's patients an understanding. Well thats all I have for now, Im getting tired again. So I;ll write again soon. Thanks for listening.

7-1-08 Tuesday

Today I had to take care of some buissnes in town which was quite early for me. But it had to be done. Anyways Sunday I went fishing with my family & later we went swimming. I had an awsome day spent with my family.Later Ill be puting some pictures up that I took that day.

As for today... Im still taking my MAX~gxl product an things are going good. Except my body's been achin for the last couple days now an so today I just kinda relaxed in bed but somehow I found it more achey to laydown then to sit up an/or walk around. So I just been takin my vicodins to deal with the pain. Well thats it for now... Tomarrows another day !!!

6/25/08

Yesterday was a really good day for me & I can say that I was so proud of myself.I think the MAX~gxl product is working for me, well maybe. I guess we'll see in the following weeks. But anyways, you know how desperatly I've been trying to break the ice & leave my room ? Well I fineally made it to the gym. I had a really good work out & there all kines of new excercize machines that were brought in to the gym.I found my self really exited about being there, but then I knew not to push myself on the first day back at the gym.Today my body is hurting a little just took some vicodins so I should be okay. Anyways thats that for now. Tommarrows another day... 

6/24/08

Today I got up early & I'm starting the MAX~gxl Product that my brother had givin me. Its sappose to give you energy an to take away some of the aches & pains that I been having, an also its sappose to reduce my anxiety. Well we'll see how things go with the product. I'll be posting on here for the results but it probly wont be for a while.Oh yea, I started doing arm press today lifting 25lbs for 25 reps each arm. I plan to do this everyday. 

Other then that, I felt very restless today. Really didnt do anything. Oh well thats that for today ???

6/21/08

Well last nite I ended up in the Hospital about 230am. I was having chess pains & hot flushes & an my anxiety hit me pretty hard. I was scared so I had my brother rush me to the emergency room. They took all kines of test. They said it just probly was anxiety. But for all they know that it wasnt a heart attack or a stroke. so Im glad for that. But I was feeling pretty good today. Spent time with my family, had a BBQ cookout & talk story with my family. It was all good. Later we brought my sister inlaws mom & step dad home. All in all I had a good day...