I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years. I am currently pregnant with his baby. We met in the mall...it was love at first sight for him. Our relationship has been very intensive. I fell in love with him in a short period of time. I can say I am happy most of the time but everytime when we have a big fight, its like the end of the world. We love to be with each other and enjoy each other's company. We share common interests and many more.
Like all relationship, nothing is perfect. We both have temper and drinking problem. It seems like for every big fight alchohol's involved. We would be going out having lots of fun and end up with vigurous fights. Mostly I'm more violent than him. Now I am pregant, I don't drink anymore but the problem still persist whenever he drinks. He doesn't drink that often but whenver he feels down and upset, he would chose to drink than talking to me. I know its partly my fault because usually I am not receptive of his ideas. Why is this? Mostly because I am kind of like a self centered person. Also, he's been lying to me for almost 3 years. When we met, he lied about that he's working and attending school part time and would finish within 1 year...then 2 years...then finally time was up and he made a fake diploma to show that he graduated. Then the whole thing blew up.
I was going to break up with him but it wasn't easy. He lives with me and my family. He begged for second chance. So I agreed since I love him so much. I feel bad for him as he didn't grow up with his family and never had the support to go to school. So I decided to help him out thinking that he'll be very thankful and love me more. I forgot to mention that he's 7 years younger than me. So now he's back to school with my full support....but once in a while (two or three months), he would disappear to drinking. When he comes home we would have a big fight. I would be violent to him. It was raining and cold last Friday and I couldn't find him to pick me up from the train. I found him half an hour after I got home and he said he's checking out this house that we were going to purchase. He had told me earlier that he doesn't want to go along. Then when he got home one hour later, I smelled liqour and I just couldn't hold my temper and hit him on his face. Then I packed and left the house. I wanted him to move out or else I won't come home. I was furious that I'm standing cold in the rain for half an hour waiting for the bus pregnant and he's out drinking with my car. Not to mention he was arrested drunk driving by the police last year.
Shortly after I left, my mom asked him what happened. He told her that I left and wanted him to move. My mom then asked my brother to talk to him. My brother was very mad because its our house and I'm pregnant and I've been supporting him. So my boyfriend lift my brother up in the air and my brother start kicking him and hitting him back as a self defense. Then my brother called the police. Then my boyfriend was giving a choice of either going to the hospital because he was acting like he's hurt a lot or going to jail. He chose to go to the hospital. I came home later that night to pick up the key for the other house and found out what has happened.
The next day, he came to apologize and I forgived him again. That's why I can not be in that house. I have a very soft spot for him. But overall is, it was such a small fight turned into a big ordeal. I know I should have been calm and talk to him but I just couldn't. Bi-polor disorder runs in my family and sometimes my temper just goes out of control. Now we are suppose to buy a house and move out. My parents house is also a semi-public place so we never had any privacy. I don't know what to do anymore.
We finally had a long talk last night and he told me that he can not talk to me as a friend sometimes and that's why he goes out drinking. But the truth was also because now I am pregnant and he feels like he has no space and can not be having fun anymore. He finished school on Friday and just thinking that he can have a little fun by himself before I come home and be locked up in the house with me. We used to go out a lot but now I am pregnant, all I wanted to do on Friday night is to go home and rest after working one week. I didn't want to let him drink lately because he was sick with serious liver problem. I used to left him after 6 packs whenever he wanted to.
Also he pointed out that I always attacked him with words whenever I disagree with him. Now thinking back, it was true because I kind of lost the respect for him after all the constant lies he's been telling me. So it's like bad karma, he would be telling me more lies so I won't attack him and later I would find out his lies and fight with him. Now we came to agree that I would try to be his friend and listen to him and he would try to tell me everything. I don't know if this is going to work.
Our real problem I think is that he's so immature and irresponsible and I'm so controlling. My parents felt that its not safe for me to move out so they think he's violent but I am violent too at the same time. He had a record with his ex fighting and he was charged with domestic violence and later dismissed. My parents don't even know about that. Sometime I feel like he wants to kill me but he didn't dare to do anything because we live in my parents house. I'm somehow skeptical of that but I somehow think it may happen.
I just want a simple and happy life. I decided to have his baby when he started going back to school. I'm 36 and my clock is ticking and I was thinking that he can go to night school when the baby's born and he can watch the baby during the day. We spoke about this and he agreed. He did propose getting married first but I didn't want to be trapped knowing that I don't trust him enough to marry him. Plus now the govn't pays for most of his tuition. He would loose that if we get married. I was divorced once and I don't want to get married and having to go through divorce again.
I'm so confused and feel so helpless. I hope someone can kindly give me some advice but I know ultimately I have to handle this by myself. I don't know if I will enough strength. I wish I will....at least for the baby. I want the baby to be happy but how do I make this work?