I posted this last year on Mother's Day,but thought I'd share it a little earlier this year.
How can you say Happy Mothers Day to a woman who has lost a child without feeling a jerk at your heart strings? You can't….But there's a bigger jerk on her heart strings if the other person,or persons, in their lives try & act as if she was never a Mother,because she lost a child,or in some cases,children.
I know,because I lost my only child,my son, David,20 years ago.Pretending that he didn't exist because people are uncomfortable with how to talk about people who have passed,muchless a child's passing.
How does a person handle a friend's grief when they've lost a child? Whether it's their only child, or not, please remember that saying, 'Well at least you have your other children is one of the lamest, & hurting, things to say. Each child is special in their own unique way,so a parent’s love for each child is unique.One doesn't replace another,nor does the next one move up in line when the child older passes.
I know that sounds so out of reasoning.But you would be suprised at the number of times I've had other grieving parents tell me that people say such things.
As a mother who lost her only child, in the most tragic of ways for any one to die,suicide,I had many many levels & stages in my grief over the years. But one of the biggest, & hardest blocks on the path, was to have people act as if he never existed.
The uncomfortable look,the shifty eyes that look everywhere but in yours,the nudges with the elbows to their friends whenever you start a story about your child who has passed.
We are already in a shock that barely ever lifts,but eventually with time,we want to hear their name from someone else. Share those funny times you remember,even the 'bad' things we,as parents who brought that child,or God forbid, children, into this world, & have lost,with us!
So when you hesitate to say," Have a nice Mothers Day," to those of us who have lost our child, or children, Don't. DON'T HESITATE one second,because we are, & always will be a Mother, & the same for those Fathers you may know..
We have just been chosen to walk the path alone for awhile.Just until it's our time to be called home, by Our Father, to be reunited with all our loved ones in Heaven So have a nice Mother's Day, my dear sisters.