I'm finally getting my mind back. Five years ago I lost it, or I would never have given that cheap, evil, cold, cruel snake in the grass the time of day. Jeckyll and Hyde? That's what he was until after the wedding. Then he was Mr. Hyde ALL the time. I should've run when he started putting me down AT THE WEDDING. I have gone through the worst agony for these past 5 + years. I lost everything that I had before I met him (I don't even want to use a human pronoun for him---I'd rather say "it"). I have nothing, and he walked away with money still coming out of his ears. At least I've learned to rely completely on Jehovah. I know that little grub will pay in the end. You may think I'm being awful by talking this way, but he is the epitome of evil. If I believed Satan could put himself in a human body, my ex would be Satan himself. He beat me, bit me, cursed at me, lied about EVERYTHING, changed the locks on me and wouldn't let me back in "our" house, and then moved in with a woman & served me with divorce papers, bought off my attorney AND the judge. I haven't been myself for a very long time.
What a year! My ex served me divorce papers a year ago. It was many months of heartbreak and tears after that, and I hoped he would stop the divorce but he didn't. I have been very depressed and sad and feeling pretty worthless.
It will just take some time, and I'll be OK. I have people who are in my corner, and I know God is fair and loving and He will stay with me even if I don't want to live. I just have to give myself some time to heal.
I think I've learned to trust my instincts and not rush into something because everyone else thought it was a good thing. I wanted to RUN the first time I heard that Ted was interested in me, and that is what I should've done! He fooled everybody....the whole Kingdom Hall, my sweet children, and me! He turned on me like a rabid wolf the instant he knew that I was going to marry him, and I counted it as he was in a lot of pain from a pinched nerve in his back. So I overlooked his rages and occasional cursing. What was I thinking? Oh if I had only run when I had the chance. But I went ahead with it. I still thought that he was a good guy and when his back got better he would be the sweet man I thought he was (after everyone convinced me of that). Ha Ha. The honeymoon was a bad dream, if not a nightmare. We cut it short because I wanted to go home. His tantrums and cruel words were horrible. We lived together for 3 months. Then I left one day when he cursed me out and raised a heavy c rystal c andle holder to throw at me. After that he went to anger management sessions for a few months, but quit after awhile, after not making any progress.
Now he is divorcing me. Isn't that a hoot? He says he made a mistake! He won't talk to me, hasn't given me one cent of support, and has vanished from everyones' lives---no one knows where he is. He thinks he doesn't have to answer to anybody! When the elders catch up to him, they'll tell him different.
The past year and a half has been a terrible time for me and for my family. They all accepted him and showed him a lot of love, as did I. Now my daughter has PTSD and is fighting Epstein-Barr, along with other stress-related things. Poor thing. She was the one who was kindest to Ted, and he turned on her the worst.
When I first met him I thought he was crazy. I should've held onto that! He came to a party at my daughter's with a shirt that was his late wife's, and still wearing his wedding ring. She had been dead for a couple of years. The thing that really got me was that he made such a big deal of wearing her shirt. OK, your wife is dead, but you don't tell everyone you're wearing her shirt. She was the number one topic of his conversations, even when he married me! He was truly a wolf in sheep's clothing. He managed to convince everyone that was decent that he was a gentle, kind, loving man......all a lie. I wish I could erase this past year and a half. It will take a very long time to get him out of my mind, but healing has started. He can't hide from God, and I hope He sees fit to bring onto him his just deserts sooner than later.
I have learned so much in this last year. I learned that my husband has a mental illness and it goes very deep. I learned that I can live with it, and I want to help him. I don't want a divorce, and yet he has served me with divorce papers. I can't believe it, and I'm just dying inside. I'm trying to reconcile with him, but he won't talk to me. He won't even read my letters to him, or letters & notes from anyone else either. No one even knows where he is. I tried calling him tonight at least 4 times but he wouldn't answer. I have filed a motion for Reconciliation with the court. He will have to face me in two sessions of counselling. I'm just drained. How is this going to end? I wonder. "Jehovah hates a divorcing," says the Scriptures. I pray that God Almighty will intervene and help us to reconcile.
I'm at yet another location, now living by myself. My place is nice, though, and I am grateful to the Post Office for enabling me to end up my career with something nice.
Ted is getting help, according to his therapist. He's "working very hard," he says. He hasn't called me in 5 months. I don't know what's up with that.
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