For as long as I can remember, I have been able to quote scriptures on faith. Over the years there have been plenty of occasions for me to share those same scriptures with those around me experiencing rough patches in their lives. Matter of fact, I can honestly say it has become second nature to speak life into anybody's situation no matter how bleak things may look.
Even in my personal life, I've faced my share of difficult and trying times. Using those same scriptures or reflecting on how God has always brought me through, I have effectively ministered to myself.
Then it happened - a test of my faith that I was not prepared for.
On March 20th, 2007, my father suffered a severe stroke. Two days later, he fell into a deep coma that lasted for a couple of weeks.
When the phone call came through, fear tried to replace every ounce of faith that I had. All of the statistics about stroke victims filled my head. Guilt overwhelmed me. The unknown outcome consumed my thoughts day in and day out. Everything seemed to trigger a river of tears and a range of emotions that I never knew were possible.
At that moment, I couldn't remember one scripture on faith. At that moment; I forgot that God was a healer. At that moment I allowed fear to cause a complete interruption and breakdown in my spirit.
I tried to pray but it seemed like I couldn't get any words out without breaking down in tears again. I tried to be strong and pull it together but it was just a front for those around me.
I remembered that I didn't have to do this alone. I remember that God had never failed me before nor was He going to start now. All I needed was to have faith the size of a mustard seed.
"...if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:20
Do you know how small a mustard seed is? Surely (I thought to myself) I had that much faith. During this time, I heard a minister say both faith and fear require you to believe something you can't see. It was then I made the decision to choose faith - to really choose faith and not just to talk as though I had.
Immediately, I felt the comfort of God's hands on my life and my family's life. I had felt alone and abandoned by God but the truth of the matter is I was never alone. God was just waiting for me to turn and trust Him. This is when scriptures became real to me. For every emotion I had experienced, God reminded me what His word said, and once I began to mediate on those scriptures and allow the Word to be made flesh in my life, healing began.
Did the healing and wholeness happen overnight? Not for me. Does fear still try to rear its ugly head? Most definitely. But now I am standing on the Word of God and in spite of what is going on in the flesh, I can boldly say:
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28