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Switch to Forum Live View Stepping out in faith
6 years ago  ::  Jul 02, 2008 - 11:07AM #1
XanaduMist
Posts: 0

Hi everyone.  I am new to this community, and am struggling through the "black pit" of depression right now.  I am bipolar, but my anti-depressants don't seem to be working.  My p-doc just changed my medication to a completed different kind yesterday, so I'll see how that goes.  There are so many things pressing down on me all at once that I could not even begin to explain.  It feels as if I am alone in the world, and I guess I am looking for some reassurance that there are others out there that understand that sense of feeling of standing "on the edge."  Please pray for me.

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6 years ago  ::  Jul 02, 2008 - 2:36PM #2
Dadyslitlgrl
Posts: 31

hey everyone(new & old), Yeah bipolar is a blast! if anyone had told me how much "fun" it would be, I think I would have signed up when I was 5. I seriously hope nobody takes that I meant that! Humor and sarcasim get me through most of this stuff, my meds. do the rest. I hope all is well with y'all. I won't be back until Mon. We're changing internet services. Just wanted to check in with everyone.I'll talk to y'all soon.


Your friend in Christ,


Dadyslitlgrl(Lori)PS I'll be praying for all of you.


 

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6 years ago  ::  Jul 03, 2008 - 2:28PM #3
klynn
Posts: 11
Xanadumist;  I will pray for you and you are not alone.  I don't have bi-polar but I do have severe depression with frequent reoccurring bouts.  (Which means I almost always have deep depression).  Oh yes, I am so very familiar with that black pit of depression you speak of, but remember this, Xanadumist, THIS WILL PASS!!!!  THIS WILL PASS!!!!  THIS WILL PASS!!!!  That's something that I eventually learned after over 20 years of mental illness including severe depression, I usually thought that "this was it, I'm a goner, I'm going to shrivel up and die in my apt. and nobody has keys to my apt. and I'm not answering my phone or door, so I'm going to die here and they are going to find me dead....(and they will be sorry that they didn't notice me sinking). Xanadumist, if you have the strength today, try and do some positive self-talk.  Your words have power.  Your thoughts have enormous power.  Your brain will respond to your thoughts and words.  If you can turn your mind, and I know that you are exhausted right now and probably catatonic, just try and think positively, like this will pass, or I feel my depression is leaving me, or I am feeling a little bit better, or anything positive that you can muster up to think of.  Then speak positive words out loud to yourself.  Like I'm a strong fighter and I can beat this.  I am feeling better.  I am getting better.  Depression you have no hold on me, be gone, etc etc etc.  Of course, keep going to therapy (if you do go) and keep taking your meds if they are working for you.  If you have been down and out for a long time or you keep spiraling from up to down frequently, it may be time for a med change or a doctor change with a fresh outlook on you.  As promised, Xanadumist, I will pray for you, but please try those positive thoughts and positive self-talk exercises.   You won't believe how powerful your mind is.  I felt a big depression coming on about a week ago, and usually I just automatically from past experiences, accept it coming on and automatically get in my pj's, get my pillow, grab a blanket and lay on the couch in a fetal position blandly watching TV and this will go on for months because I stay inside of my head and I feed into my depression and I make it get worse and worse.  This time when I felt it coming on, I immediately threw myself into Beliefnet, loading my iPOD,(which is totally time-consuming),walking my dog, (which I did not want to do), petting my cat, kind of straightening up my apt., paid bills,..etc etc etc.  I just STAYED BUSY and that kept my depression at bay.  Sure, I was crying a lot during these tasks, but the important thing was, I was not on the couch in a fetal position.  I turned my mind and refused to allow the depression to take over.  I stayed out of my head and also did favors for neighbors. I think helping others was the most gratifying thing that I did and the most depression buster that I did, too.  It lifted my spirits tons.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 03, 2008 - 11:10PM #4
Debbie-0
Posts: 0

Klynn, where were you this past weekend when I needed you??


Hello, my name is Debbie and I too suffer from depression and my wonderful "Nut" Doctor told me at my appointment this week that I definitely have a "mood disorder"......I'm like.....Ya think??? 


A little about myself.....I am a 54 year old only child who lost her mother in 1988 and just lost her father in December of 07.  I personally think the 11th commandment should have been.....Thou Shalt Not Have One Child!  The passing of my father has just taken a major toll on me emotionally and it finally consumed me this past weekend. 


Klynn, I can relate to absolutely everything you said.  I wish I had found this and read it Monday.  Monday was absolutely the worst day of my life.  I laid in my bed and cried to God to make this all go away!  He did...with the help of my Dr's who changed my medication.......


Now that I have found ya'll.....I know where I will turn the next time this monster raises it's ugly head!


Debbie

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6 years ago  ::  Jul 08, 2008 - 3:14AM #5
bearakuda
Posts: 0

Hello everyone,

Thanks Klynn for the advice! It works too! I am depressed, again, but it does pass. And Klynn is so right. Make yourself do something. Anything. One thing if that is all you can do. Then you can rest. But if you do things while you feel terrible, you find that later on you feel slightly better, because you accomplished something. Even if it is washing one cup. Or making dinner. Or doing one load of laundry. It is something. My prayers for all that are in the dark pit of depression - its a sad and lonely place, but good can come of it. I want to kick myself, but really , the fact that I was depressed from 13 till about 28, and now I am 33 and depressed again - hey at least I learned you can get better! Bah its a rough boat, but it helps to talk to others who understand. Glad to be here. 

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6 years ago  ::  Jul 22, 2008 - 8:19AM #6
shocharah
Posts: 670
Xanadumist, there was a tv movie a long while back in which someone said: "I'm crawling on the edge of a knife." I definitely understand that feeling. Thanks, klynn, for your post. It is really a great help, and I hope I remember where I can find it the next time I become depressed. And, yes, I know there will be a next time. I've been depressed off and on (mostly on) since  I can remember, and I know I will be fighting depression the rest of my life. All I can do about it is take my meds, hope they work and try to keep balance in my life. I just read what I have written, and it sounds so bleak. I am not feeling at all bleak today. I'm actually in a really good mood, looking forward to a trip to the theater this afternoon, and then a relaxing evening at home. Anyway, I'm happy to meet you all, and grateful for being invited to the group.             Dylan
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 22, 2008 - 10:25AM #7
shocharah
Posts: 670
I have been really sad for the past few days, and I was worried about starting the slide into depression. But I allowed myself to feel the sadness, to cry, and to talk to people. All the things we are told to do. And guess what? It actually worked! I am still feeling sad but much less so. And I also feel hopeful, knowing the sadness will slowly fade, that life is still worth living.  Dylan
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