If I describe certain of my own lives experience I may begin to somewhat suggest the path we all follow in our own way. I’ve convinced myself that I remember somewhat my emotional state as a child in the crib. I was of course very innocent and as a result I felt happy, peaceful and content. I can’t really remember when I first felt insecure, it seems to have something to do with recognizing others as strangers who didn’t know me and whom I didn’t know. As a result I felt uncertain, imposed upon, as though others had expectations which might be hidden from me, and I wasn’t sure how to act. This sense of uncertainty could make me feel uncomfortable and ill at ease. I clearly remember this feeling going to kindergarten on the first day. I didn’t really feel insecure about myself, family, or friends rather it seems I felt insecure about strangers. Only much later I learnt to feel insecure about everyone.

I never really felt very insecure around nature, I was always curious about the world; or rather creation and the entire universe. I remember as a child laying in the tall grass and watching the wind blow across the field, or on my back watching clouds pass by, or gazing into the blue sky wondering about it and what was beyond; always what was beyond. I wondered about us and what was beyond. I wondered why if we lost something we couldn’t just know exactly where it was. Why this void of not knowing? It felt somewhat like a humiliation to me. I wondered why god humbled us in this way. This boy thought we could grow up to be like Superman. This limiting awareness was my first loss of innocence which struck me so strongly. I haven’t really gotten over it yet. Then there was the age when you really know Santa Claus isn’t “real”. I got over that one rather easily, after all this lie was “mans” doing and kind of cute. After all, myth itself has some truth to tell, this one about our spirit of goodness.

Finally comes our great loss of innocence regarding our sexuality; we leave childhood behind when we have sex with another. This is one of life’s initiations for sure, because everything changes after this. Our whole world view changes. We become addicted to the world. Before that we were just playing, now it’s serious. We want power and influence from then on, even if we may forget why. The search for power seems like a point of no return, but it’s not really. In fact we are truly lost only if we never find the way of our return to innocence.

Of coarse spiritual liberation is not the same type of innocence we had as children, it’s much deeper, like the innocence of the great souls who show us the way of awakening from the dream we have created; the dream of our false aspirations of playing the game to win. If some must win then some must lose and this is the real delusion of the world; that some can win while others loss. This kind of thinking can not be trusted, and when we think this way we can not be trusted. This is why we can’t really trust each other, until we can realize that your loss is my loss. Only when we have this realization and are irreversibly dedicated to acting appropriate to this fact, only then can we trust and be trusted.

For all I’ve written and I write a lot, mostly for myself; I don’t recall ever writing about sexuality, basically because I never had anything interesting to say about it and I prefer writing when I feel that I have an idea that moves in a constructive direction. I don’t really know what I’m going to say; yet I must say that I feel our loss of innocence is related to our sexuality and our ability to trust ourselves and others.

If you look at history, most of the cultures we know are all about control and domination. This is what has corrupted most of the churches throughout history. Let me be clear, I’m not saying sexuality is bad, I’m suggesting that an addiction to a desire for something that is not within our power to control leads to a belief in conflict and a desire for control. This is our basic relationship with the world and with our “God”. We are conflicted because of our perceived self interest, we know that without power we have no control and we fear that we will not have our desires met if we aren’t in control of our world. But how can we control the world when we can’t even control our own heart and mind. We become conflicted and at war with God and our Self. This is a battle which can never be won.

One of the epic wars people have tried to negotiate throughout the ages is what has been called the battle of the sexes. Again here is a war which can’t be won, so people try to negotiate a settlement, but it’s a tenuous, fragile peace. You may have recognized by now that my thinking is influenced by certain precepts which can be found in many teachings; such as Taoism, Buddhist Madhyamaka teachings or A Course in Miracles. My basic believe is that no war can really be won, because your loss is also my loss. The basic delusion we worship is the belief in a conflict between heaven and earth; and that one can win while another loses. This to me is an irreconcilable position, because first I can not accept that we are divided, separate, and so there is no true opposition. Creation, life and evolution is more like a dance than an armed struggle. Our belief in opposition is the delusion which arises when we worship our needy sense of incompleteness.

Unfortunately with an adversarial position conflict pervades our world, heart and soul. One of the innate, naturally found medications which spiritual masters, like the Mahasiddhas, have administered, as a cure for this universal delusional disease of greed is their tantric yoga teachings. Aspects of these teaching addressing this issue of duality are not well understood, so I’d like to comment on them here hoping somewhat to reconcile them within myself. Unfortunately from my position as a male I can’t speak for the female expression of sexuality in relation to reconciling desires, needs, and expectations. Therefore I can only address tantric principles from a personal internalized yogic view. This view I do not consider to be a limitation at all; if fact for most people an outward expression of tantric principles is very likely to be a huge obstacle without first developing a well grounded inner realization. By that I mean that sexual drives outwardly expressed are powerful enough to overwhelm anyone I personally know of. You will notice in Buddhist tantric iconography images of coupled male and female deities. Appearing as two they are in fact one in union. This is an essential tantric realization. In other tantric icons you can find what seems like a hermaphrodite; both male and female in one. This seems more to the point I would suggest; that first we must reconcile the conflicts within us, so that we can dispel the delusion of worldly conflicts which do not serve to advance our journey of awakening.

I’ve made a resolution to share “my life’s dream” with certain people I meet. If you will bear with me for a few moments, I feel I have something to say to you, or I would not offer it.

Around 1975 I came to the conclusion that unique opportunities and achievements could be realized within “a well considered matrix of intentional spiritual community”. Since then I was twice involved in “community” and have confirmed this premise and learned to recognize the obstacles we face as well.

In case you have no such thoughts, ideals or intentions you can stop here. But the reason I’m now still only wondering and talking about sharing and more fully living my spiritual ideals is largely rooted within my own self delusion; of doubts and fears. Many years ago I decided I must first work on freeing myself from doubts and fears. I’ve done this personal work to the point where I finally have to face the fact; that in our culture I can only fully address many of my doubts and fears with attention to honest open relationship, with others. I truly feel that a dedication to a spiritual life in relationship is like a crucible for our refinement; and a more focused integrated, holistic lifestyle is a catalyst for clarity and the fulfillment of our life’s dreams. You and I are like mirrors for each other and if I want to truly respect myself I must be dedicated to respecting you as well. Through our mutual dedication of respect, our agreements become empowered by honesty, trust and trustworthiness.

With a foundation of dedication to fellowship ideals we can begin to imagine how true spiritual fellowship might manifest. First of all on a practical level several considerations come to mind. First among these is “the therapeutic value of holistic living”; living in relationship with our social & environmental culture; which is to actually know and relate to all the people and things within our environment. Second is “the value of shared goals and resources”. For one person to have a garden, or a business, or a car & truck or a swimming pool, or any other resource or responsibility becomes overly burdensome. But for 20 or 50 or 100 people to share the benefit and responsibility of those resources; they become much easier to bear. People in the all the arts; including healing, education and spirituality, are especially benefited by community fellowship. Part of it is shared resources, but more importantly is a critical mass of energy and environment which nurtures & supports sustainability of vision and ideals. Thirdly as a generation baby boomers and beyond “we all must recognize the dangers of an uncertain future; or for that matter even the risks of the status quo”. How are we to live long and well?

Intentional community will obviously reflect the intention of everyone who is a part of it. As a gardener I would see the value of preparing the soil and recognizing appropriate timing & placement. With that in mind I can image some ideas, possibilities and structures which intrigue me. For example I could ultimately envision an international network of Intentional Spiritual Communities associated in such a way that members could act as world citizens, working and traveling for extended periods of time. For me right now I’m willing to dedicate myself to a branch of that broader network. A branch located in the western USA. Each smaller community would reflect the intent of its members. For my part I would like to promote the establishment of “a network of new age universalist holistic spiritual retreats”.It seems as each aspect unfolds way it deserves broader consideration, and I have done that elsewhere, but for now I would like to bring this to a conclusion with a few suggestions.

I favor the term new age with a very specific intent. For me new age implies an ageless ideal; one might say a vision that is forever new, meaning it never grows old because it is always vital in the present, unencumbered by the burden of limiting conditioning we all carry in our assumptions. Any group endeavor, if it is to grow strong and healthy depends upon direction and balance; it has purpose & order. It is time to awaken a new order, one of service & loving honor; in this way higher group endeavors are guided by service and humility. In this way the least becomes first. Today it seems everyone wants to be a teacher, or some sort of celebrity. The type of fellowship envisioned here allows us to be first and foremost humble students, serving “the One within all”. I am certain in this way, we can find our way.

Namaste’

As a child we may realize we don’t even understand the myth of Santa Claus.

Then perhaps a friend breaks our heart somehow.

Finally we realize our vision is very limited; it seems we’re not “all seeing”.

In some way we feel alone perhaps abandoned, or even betrayed by God.

We wonder what we have done to deserve this doubtful blinded state.

Then blessed kindness, open heartedness, reminds us of the priceless value of forgiveness.

Letting go, simply loving is knowing forgiveness for the other; for God is in the other.

Embodying forgiveness; for, and in our self, since really there is no other.

Forgiven once again we awaken and turn from the dream of separateness.

When our judgments end we are forgiven.

Seed Thought –

Mind, like the Universe is a Bubbling Matrix

of Luminous Clarity

When I find that indeed I have no self;

Then I will know I’ve stopped acting for my self.

Until then I will ardently strive to understand;

what is in my very own self’s very best interest.

I know that seeing either people or things;

as being in opposition to my self,

is not in my own best interest.

Any sense of opposition breeds conflict;

a sense of separateness and incompleteness,

all of which leads to unhappiness.

Therefore seeking happiness;

 it is in my own best interest to see all others;

deluded or awakened as my very own Self.

Since I want to be happy,

finding love & compassion everywhere,

I will see no separateness in other  people or things.

Their happiness & wellbeing will be my very own.

As we are one, I know we seek happiness; I will find

& do everything which awakens happiness in us.

I know we will not find happiness though conflicts,

separateness; the loneliness of need & emptiness.

I will see myself & thus others as full of luminous clarity,

 wisdom & compassion.  As one undivided;

full of harmony there is joyous peace, no me or you;

no before or after, only oneness now.

There lies happiness; now & always, everywhere.

Normally I'd be reluctant to write this way. But if I could go back in time I would advice myself to recognize that the way to happiness arises of itself though the end of suffering. I know the only advice one can offer is that which one is able to receive. I remember the curiosity of youth as well as my own innocence. Good advice depends upon receptivity and it should be based on shared experience rather than opinion. With this in mind and a caring heart I offer this perspective looking back at what is known.
One should recognize and accept the fact that if you live well, youth is brief and truly all your life is spent growing older. Childhood last about 15 years, and young adulthood may be another 15 years; women peak physically earlier then men, and males reach their athletic peak by 30, when highly trained. If not well trained one peaks sooner and at a lower level of capacity. You will see that only a few exceptions can truly compete athletically after 35.
So from 30 to 80 are 50 years of aging; which demand maturity. If you smoke and drink, worry or hate; you begin to grow old almost immediately at least within a few years. It's well known that there is a universal law of cause and effect. It works in physics as well as in all that we do. It works on mental and spiritual levels as well as the physical. You can try to deny the obvious, but it won't go away. All our stress is cumulative and it's much easier to avoid, rather then try to mitigate it after the fact.
No matter what your poison; whether it's fat or sugar, drugs or alcohol, hatred or greed, it will have its way with you. You know the saying you are what you eat? Don't doubt it; because you will also eat the way you are. All your thoughts and feelings leave a mark on your own psyche. Whenever and whatever you `dump' upon one another will stay with you and sicken within you.
In case you don't know this; you have to face it now; we all suffer. The only way to mitigate that fact is; to be wise, and to do `good'; or to die. Those are the three choices we all face; to suffer, to mitigate suffering, or to die; and the third is the easiest of the three. The second is the most rewarding and the first is the hardest. We can't change others, but we can understand our self. Any issues we face are rooted within us. We can't change others or the past, but we can learn something from our every thought, feeling and action; and this we must do. If we learn, and we change, and act, the world will be a better place, and if we don't, suffering will increase.

So when you find a way that you truly feel will lead you to a deeper peace and a perception of truth; then remember it always and never forget to follow that way. This seems clear to me. I wish you all the best; wisdom, peace, true love for all and happiness.