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    I used to feel that I was so cursed to suffer with my migraines these past 15+ years. I used to believe that they ruined my life and I had major depression. The worse my migraines were, the worse my depression and vice-versa as my life went into a downward spiral. I wondered what I did in my life that was so terrible to deserve the suffering I was barely enduring. Migraines are an invisible disease, and yes, they have finally been recognized by the medical community as a brain disease. I would wish that I had something like cancer instead. That's a disease most people have more compassion for, including health providers. With something like cancer you either get better or you die. No lingering in misery for a decade and a half. I often wished I were dead and finally made a serious suicide attempt on July 1. By the grace of God, my husband found me in time. I spent two days in the ICU, one of which I was comatose. When I awoke with my husband and mother-in-law standing over me, I was glad to be alive. That was my turning point. That's when I realized God performs miracles and that Christ was my salvation. Within days after my suicide attempt, I had a medical procedure ablating the nerves in my neck. It has made all the difference in the world with my migraines. I still get them every 9-14 days, but I am no longer in daily misery. With my faith in God and my pshych meds in balance, my depression has lifted. I spent three weeks in Maine visiting my mother and recharging my spirit. My artistic and literary creativity began to flow freely again and continues to this day. I am doing a craft show Nov 7 and have been so productive I'm thinking I ought to do another. Now my curse has been turned into a blessing. Doctors recommend that I never return to work so I am on long-term disability. Since I feel human again, I can now be a proper wife providing my husband with love and companionship, a clean house and good home-cooked meals. I can also spend all the time I want in creative endeavors. When we moved into our house two or so years ago, my husband provided me with a dedicated art studio that was getting minimal usage. Now I'm in there creating almost every day. I can't begin to express my happiness over this. Since the turning point I now know I am not cursed; I am truly blessed. I came out of the darkness and now live in love and light. I was recently baptized as well, and now live in salvation with my life dedicated to God. May you be so blessed as well.

    Mushcat
    October 1, 2009
    9:57 AM
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    \ HELLO MY NAME IS THOMAS, AT THE TENDER AGE OF NINE I WENT TO MY FAVORETE FISHING HOLE LIKE I DID FOR GOD KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES AND A MAN CAME OUT O THE WOODS WITH A HANDGUN AND TOLD ME TO GET NAKED,THE REST I DON'T NEED TO SAY OTHER THAN I WAS NEVER THE SAME CHILD AGAIN. DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY WAS JUST A NORMAL PART OF MY LIFE, AND GOD, WELL LETS JUST SAY I DID'NT BELIEVE IN A GOD WHO WOULD LET THINGS LIKE WHAT HAPPEN TO ME TO HAPPEN PERIOD. FOR YEARS I WOULD GO THREW PERIODS OF ANGAR,HATE,FEAR,ABUSED,DIFFERENT THAN EVERYONE, A DEFECT,CURSED, LESS THAN, MORE THAN,I WOULD JUST LIE TO LIE,BECAUSE ON THAT DAYIT HAPPENED NO ONE BELIEVED ME, OR AT THE VERY LEASE LOOK INTO IT, BUT NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT, NOT EVEN A PHONE CALL TO THE POLICE. I LOST FAITH IN EVERYONE AROUND ME AND TRUSTED NO ONE. WHEN I TURNED 10 I STARTED SMOKING POT AND DOING ANY KIND OF DRUG I COULD GET MY HANDS ON SO I WOULD FEEL LIKE ANYONE BUT MYSELF, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE LIKE ANYONE EXCEPT MYSELF. IF YOU KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YOU WOULD NOT LIKE ME, OR SAY SOMETHING TO WHERE I WOULD HURT YOU REAL BAD SO YOU WOULD NEVER MENTION IT TO ANYONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR KNONW LIFE. I STARTED HANGING OUTWITH THE HOODS AND LOST SOULS PEOPLE ALL OLDER MOST WERE TEN OR MORE YEARS OLDER THAN ME I WAS COOL ENOUGH TO HANG WITH THEM BECAUSE I WAS'NT AFAID TO FIGHT,STEAL,SELL DRUGS, YOU NAME IT, I WOULD DO IT, I LEARNED EARLY ON IF YOU CARRYED A GUN OR SOME KINDA-OF WEAPON PEOPLE RESPECTED YOU AND YOU HAD POWER, YES, THAT VERY POWER THAT SCARED THE LIFE OUT OF ME AT NINE. FROM TEN TILL I WAS 17 WAS A BLUR OF FIGHTS,DRUGS,I WAS THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH THAT YOU WANTED TO HANG WITH OR BE AROUND BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN,AND WHEN I WOULD GO OFF. GOING OFF MENT SOMETHING BAD WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING. I WOULD GO THREW PEIODS WHERE I WOULD ONLY COME OUT AY NIGHT, IT WAS JUST LIKE BEING A VAMPIRE. I WENT THREW JAIL FOR YOUTHES IN AND OUT TILL I WAS 17, WHICH I WAS GIVEN THE CHOICE OF GO INTO THE ARMY, OR GO UP TO STATE PRISON, WHICH I CHOSE THE ARMY. NO MATTER WHERE I WENT I WAS ALWASY IN TROUBLE FOR ONE THING OR ANOTHER. I'VE BEEN ON EVERY KIND OF ANTI-DEPRESSION MEDICATION KNOWN TO MAN KIND AS WELL AS ANXEITY MEDICATION, NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK FOR ME THATS WAY I WOULD USE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL TO DEAL WITH LIFE. I WRECKED SO MANY GREAT RELATIONSHIPS WITH SO MAY WONDERFUL LADYS ITS UNBELIEVEABLE,YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I THANK THE LORD FOR MY WIFE TODAY,SHE IS DIFINITLY GOD SENT, SHES A LITTLE CRAZY SO IT KINDA-OF EQUALS OUT,ALL KIDDING ASIDE SHES GREAT. PROOF OF GOD IN MY LIFE, I OD 8 TIMES IN MY LIFE,TWICE I TRYED TO COMMITE SUISIDE, FELL FROM A ROOF 30 FEET UP ON A LADDER,I HAD A DITCH CAVE IN ON ME UP TO MY NECK,I SHOT 3 BAGS OF DOPE WHICH WOULD OR SHOULD HAVE KILLED A ZOO, AND THREW IT ALL I'AM STILL HERE, YES PEOPLE, THERE IS A GOD AND ANGELS OF THIS I AM SURE. DISPITE ALL THATS HAPPENED TO ME I BELIEVE IN A LOVING,KIND,LIFE SAVING,CAREING,UNDERSTANDING, VERY PATIENT GOD, WHO SENT HIS ONLY SON TO DIE A HORRIABLE,SICKING,HEART BREAKING DEATH FOR A ROTTEN,SELF-CENTER, SELF-SEEKING,CAREING ONLY ABOUT MYSELF,WRECHED SINFULL PERSON AS MYSELF TO DIE FOR ME,....WHAT LOVE NO MAN HAS EVER SHOWN ANOTHER LIKE CHRIST JESUS DID FOR ME, HE IS MY LORD, MY SAVIOR, MY FRIEND, MY FATHER,THE SON OF THE MOST HIGH GOD, MY ALL, SO WHENEVER I GET A CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING I TRY NOT TO MISS THAT CHANCE. WHY, BECAUSE HE NEVER MISSED A CHANCE WITH ME. ONE GOD, ONE SON, AND ONE HOLY SPIRIT! THE LORD SHOWED ME FORGIVENES FROM THAT MAN WHEN I WAS NINE, HE TAUGHT ME THAT IT WAS JUST SIN IN THIS MANS HEART, AND I FORGAVE HIM!! THIS ONLY COMES FROM CHRIST JESUS THAT I CAN FORGIVE. PRAISE,HONOR,GLORY,AND ALL BLESSINGS GO TO MY LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS THE LIVING CHRIST. WHEN I START TO GET CRAZY I GO TO GODS WORD, THE BIBLE, THAT SEEMS T MAKE THINGS A LITTLE BETTER THAN BEFORE, AND ALOT OF PRAYING, TRY IT, MAY HELP YOU. IN CHRST JESUS, THE LORD OF THREE .

    Lordof3
    June 9, 2009
    7:43 PM
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