Yvonne saw herself as a martyr . She was a martyr to the whims of her husband .The world seemed to crash on her shoulders . Her indomitable spirit did not allow her a moments rest.

The daughter of a farmer in northern Ontario Canada . Her life was more then drudgery . Small in stature she worked in the fields . Did better work then her half brothers .

When a farmer asked for her hand in marriage it ws accepted . In my mind's eye I visulize Telesphore looking at her pretty dark hair and pink cheeks . That was in 1910 I believe the only way they could speak to one another was in the large kitchen with green cupboards . It went full robin . Yvonne , her father Les, Telesphore , her step-mother , Ogimaa. And siblings onlooking in the background.

Courting was so much fun in those days . My courting days were spent near rivers and walking in the forest . My mother didn't want me to leave without bringing my brother a year younger . He is my favorite brother .Looking back I know it was wise of her to send me off with my brother . After all I didn't know that young man I was dating . For a year we dated and spent time in a mill yard hidden between the stacks of wood . The smell of wood is  invigorating .

Yvonne was her name and she comes up in my dreams . Is she mocking me because I told her once that  my marriage would be quite different . You don't know that she had said to me and she was right .

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It's a new day . I have to make decisions . The decisions I make will have an effect on all those I meet . Would like to see my doctor today . The dear one is to busy . I have to wait until tomorrow late in the afternoon . I do have medication for pain . That's god to a certain extent . What I want to dig out is the root problems I woke up with severe muscle spasms in legs that I can'r help but scream and it wakes up the household . There has to be somerhing that is causing that to reoccur .

Please pray for me .

For months now I have been visiting  a friend .She has been in and out of the hospital . My sister tells me I shouldn't visit her .Visiting those who are sick in my mind that is good. I bring her little things to show her that I am thinking of her . She is appreciative . When a person has no relatives that care  a friend is useful

And her dear relatives by marriage are so critical that  I don't want to meet with them Its like I have had it . I am going to try to keep a low profile . May are coming to this city for for July first . I will try to mingle .

It's seems to me that so many do not know what compassion is . Not that I am all knowing . It doesn't hurt to be kind and considerate . And those who really irritate us those are the ones we  need to befriend and pray for

O Lord our God, we thank you for the gift
of fatherhood and ask for your help
when we are in difficulties and
when we fail to carry out our responsibilities,
to love and to protect our families.

We want to turn away from the things
that separate us from you.
Please guide our lives and inspire us
in all that we do.

Lord, give us the strength and guidance we need
to fulfil our role, to accept our proper place
in society as fathers, following the example of
Joseph the husband of Mary.

We ask you, Lord, for your protection over the
women and children you have placed in our care;
please guard them against any evil or harmful influence.


Lord, please bless Mothers Prayers, Fathers Prayers
and Children of Faith that they will each continue
to be guided by the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

It's a day for celebration . I love getting together with family . Good home cooked food  that is always appreciated . Lord fathers need to know they are loved and appreciated for who they are . That they are special in your eyes is a certainty . Praise you Father most holy . That our fathers may be holy .

I  wonder today why I saw  myself as sinless. Could be because I never read the Bible. My dad had given me the New Testament to read. It didn't say anything to me. I was 16 years old .I

After giving myself to Christ I couldn't get enough of scriptuer.It  was a simple enough prayer easy to understand for me . I  meant it when I was prayed with .

Lord Jesus Christ I want to belong to you from now on. I want to e freed from the dominion of darkness and the rule of Satan and I  want to enter into your kingdom and be part of your people . I want to receive the baptism of the Spirit  as I did at Confirmation.. With you I can move forward, remembering  I  can  and will go foward.

Sacred Heart of Jesus,
I trust in You.
Sacred Heart of Jesus,
I believe in Your love for me.
Sacred Heart of Jesus,
Your Kingdom come.
O Sacred Heart of Jesus,
I have asked you for many favors,
Bring healing to  all those I love

Place her and her family in Your open, broken Heart;
And, when the Eternal Father looks down and sees them  
Covered with Your Precious Blood,
He will heal

It will be no longer my prayer,
But Yours, O Jesus.
O Sacred Heart of Jesus,
I place all my trust in You for them.

Let me not be disappointed.

Amen.

When in  pain we do focus on ourselves. I know , I have done it more than a season. As I see it today there is much introspection. It is in going  out to others  that freedom comes .I think its compassion that moves people .

Many will tell you that it has nothing to do with you. Go about your day and look after yourself . It's true that we have to look after ourselves. When I  am sick who cares to ask , how I am doing.  O  well , I know life goes on . When I know I can help another I do it . Many young people on the streets today. They have no home for whatever reason . Years ago my younger brother was banished fom the house .He was fortunate to meet people who saw potential in him. Today he is a marine consultant in the Far EAST. I'M glad he was not judged the way he was in our house.

Giving financial support is good when we can . Emotional support is most important. That has to start in our homes. Sometimes I think our presence means a lot. Taking time to listen and figuring out what is not said . The painful stuff we don't dare to talk about . I think we all have some of that deep down.

Then there is  the pain of mental illness. I   know from  experience that is atrocious .When people are that sick what do they need. Medication is a necessity for most. Friendship is also needed. Love in actions needed . Home cook meals I have prepared and saw joy in the eyes receiving .Lots we can do to ease the pain

I VISITED HER OFTEN. SHE HAD BEEN VERY SICK. SHE IS NOT CHRISTIAN. I DOUBT IF SHE SEES HERSELF AS A CHILD OF GOD. THERE IS NOT MUCH THAT SHE DESIRES.

I DID SOME COOKING AND BROUGHT HER SOME LAMB. SHE WAS THANKFUL. SHE CRIED A FEW TIMES AS I SAT WITH HER .THINKING SHE HAD LOVE WITH DIFFERENT MEN OVER THE YEARS SHE NOW HAS TEARS FOR THIS MAN SHE CALLS HUBBY.  MANY WOULD CALL HIM A LOSER.

I DO KNOW HIM AND I KNOW TOO MANY THAT ARE LIKE HIM. NO COMPASSION A THIRST FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST .SHE IS BUT A SHELL OF WHAT SHE USED TO BE,

I CAN NO LONGER VISIT HER.

I've had more then one burden . I decided to go early to a prayer meeting . So happy I did . They prayed with me and   They had words of wisdom for me . Praise God !  I am going to try to make it there once a week .

Years ago I belonged to a prayer group . It was sure uplifting . The worship did bring me closer to God . I then prayed daily .The Spirit of God did move me to prayer  and action . Today it's not so much that I do things differently I'm an activist in my own way . Action is important and prayer is still all important

I've had a difficult time over the years with abuse done to me and others . Christianity tells us to forgive . That is very good but it is not the only thing we can do .It has come to my attention lately that a woman very close to me was abused more then once . She is in a psychiatric unit . That abuse is one thing she has difficulty with . After speaking to her family we decided to call  crime stoppers . A psychologist was telling me  that sexual abusers they keep doing it . Reporting it is good for societty at large

The Spirit of God forever moves us to prayer . When , I decided to obey and pray my life started to move forward . My inner spirit was freed . I could sing to the Lord all day long . Shyness I had felt for years was replaced with boldness . I could now speak  and give testimony that God , my creator is a God of love and healing .

At first prayer was from memory . What , I had learned as a little  kid   would come to mind .Today prayer is often scripture passages that  rises up  within me  .Teresa of Avila suggests that we ," Speak with him as with a Father ,a Brother , a Lord and a spouse -and sometimes in one way and sometimes in another ." She goes on and says to ask God to treat them (nuns)as his brides .God favors everybody so we can ask for great intimacy . God is always accessible to all of us .

Lord God heavenly Father I trust you in all that I have had to suffer . I just don't get it at times . It doesn't matter for I know you are in control .

Holy Spirit I praise and I thank you for the joy you have brought in my life . The warmth of your spirit I do feel . The fire of your love consumes . To trust totally I move forward . I am but a vessel