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    Music Lifts The Spirit Within

    Sunday, July 26, 2009, 11:00 AM [General]

    Feelings , some emotions vibrate within. Puts a lift in my steps . At a concert I was so filled with joy that my spirit bubbled .

    The flame of joy , flares up at times that brings great consolation.The Holy Spirit is all love . It is He that bathes the soul with glory and transform it in love . How precious the Spirit's wings touching me from within

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    What's It All About ?

    Saturday, July 25, 2009, 7:51 PM [General]

    In a downtown cafe writing letters, sitting by myself having a cup of tea .That was fifty years ago . I was lonely . Writing was a medium of release . Those deep down feelings and emotions its still difficult today to sort them out .

    Today , I still write letters . I had a few tears when my sister-in-law showed me some of the letters I wrote to her years ago . When I am lonely I reread your letters .What an angel she is .

    This other friend is a specialist in education . I saw her recently at a family gathering . She asked me to write to her like we use too . I haven't done it yet .I'm not sure about the language . I'm not as fluent as she is . No doubt that I will.

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    That Serpentine Creek 1

    Friday, July 24, 2009, 11:19 PM [General]

    That creek lives within me . I felt we owned that creek when I was a wee lass . Frogs lived in it . The croaking was lovely . I didn't know at six years old that it was polluted. Some sulfur and acid and what not from the mine . Our well water was close to that creek . We had been drinking polluted water for many years . How where we to know ?  Dad decided to have it tested . In the mean time mom said it was just fine to drink it . I remember her saying,"It's clean water drink it ." It wasn't clean ,potable water and we should not have been drinking it .  Dad had to dig another well .  That we did drink .

    Living in northern ,Ontario , Canada , a life of hardship doesn't say it all .I can't find the words at times to express what is in my heart . The fireflies that was the only light us kids knew .

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    Reflections

    Friday, July 24, 2009, 9:52 PM [General]

    Tonight there's a reflection of you in my heart . Seeing you as warm and  caring . Reflections of you in me . Our first son how happy we were . Bubbly little man all he needed was love . Did we give him love ? We thought it was love but it wasn't . He loves us , yes he does . Can we love him the way he needs to be loved ?  Can he be brought back to life ? He has died , I have died ,together yes helping each other, we will walk towards the light of Christ

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    Why Do We Give ?

    Thursday, July 23, 2009, 5:59 PM [General]

    We give out of love for the other . There are other reasons why we give . They are not what I would call humble reasons .When we give for friendship sake do we expect something in return . Maybe  at an unconscious level  ? Giving that is not from the heart usually means to be given something back . Maybe its friendship , adulation , recognition and so on .

    A person that gives to receive is very lonely . In need of acceptance and much more . This is a  broken human being .  God has gifted this person in diverse ways . The thing is there has been many refusals to share . Knowledge for instance is a me thing not to be shared .

    I think in giving we also have to accept what other people want to give to us . Refusing to receive what does that mean ?

     

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    Just a Question or so , mom ?

    Tuesday, July 21, 2009, 8:04 AM [General]

    Mom. I remember when you were very happy with your life . You sang often , you went to church most days . Your choices in those days gave you lots of energy .What is it in your life Mom that drains your energy . today. You are feeling down , Mom. 

    You speak about bearing your cross , Mom . Is it really your cross ? Maybe it's not really your cross ? Jesus chose Jerusalem and the cross . I'd like to know what is your Jerusalem and the cross ? Maybe It isn't your cross how would I know I'm just your son ? Mom, I think if its something you can change it isn't yours to keep .

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    Dogville

    Sunday, July 19, 2009, 5:55 PM [General]

    According to the author men are evil and deteriorate . That is it , they are evil and nothing else .  That does go against what we believe as Christians. In the Book of Hosea the prophet starts by denouncing with vigor the infidelity of the people . He tells them they have forgotten their God ,a faithful spouse .But -God -the spouse declares: that is why I am going to lure her and lead her out into the wilderness and speak to her heart . I am going to give her back her vineyards , and make the Valley of Achor a gateway of hope . There she will respond to to me as she did when she was young , as she did when she came out of the land of Egypt...When that day comes it is Yahweh who speaks -the heavens will have their answer from me , the earth its answer from them , the grain , the wine , the oil, their answer from the earth .(Hosea 2:16-22) 

    It is true that men can do terrible and very evil things . It is also true for me that with Jesus light can shine in the darkest heart . Men can make decisions to love instead of hate

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    A Listening Heart ?

    Friday, July 17, 2009, 8:13 PM [General]

    My mother died when she was in her early sixties . It didn't take time for dad to start looking for a mate . Some of us didn't quite get it . Why is he so lonely when he has fourteen children that love him very much ? The way I see it most of his life he spent with other men in bunk cars . That was shelter for the men who worked on the railroad

    I could understand that he wanted a real relationship . With our mother he definitely had a sexual relationship . It was only later in life that they actually lived together on a daily basis .

    She had a lung problem that probably got going when she would sniff chemicals in the toilet bowl .  I would telling my mother not to do that . I remember the way she looked at me . Mom was suicidal . She talked about it . Poverty does awful things to people . Mom was hard working and took pride in her family . Always had nice shiny shoes for all of us to go to church . I do remember her giving me the chore of ironing all the white shirt for the six boys and dad .

    I loved my mother at a distance for a long time . Before she died she made amends . I would have liked to be able to say something when she made a move towards me for reconcililation but I couldn't . There had been many years of battery under my belt .We all feared her . She walked with a stick and used it . Its kind of odd after all these years that I can't remember her beating my brothers and sisters

    I always had dad on a pedestal . A sibling told me how he use to beat her . I had to think about that . One thing about our parents discipline was behind closed doors . I didn't remember dad being cruel until recently .

    I was in awe at what my sister had to say about dad . He was the product of the environment he grew up in . Trapping for food , clothing just the thought of the fox clothing my mother constructed for me makes me sick . What an ungrrateful child I was .

    I listened to my sister and all the trauma she went through . Dad used to call her a rotten apple in the barrel of apples .She was young and very pretty . The boys did pay attention . The one thing I did hear back then was ,"Don't come home pregnant ."Sex was the worst sin in the world back then .

    Dad wanted a woman he could pray with on a daily basis . He married Maria . They had similar backgrounds . She raised a brood of children with very little food . There was a brightness in her face that I don't see very often . A good Christian that's for sure . I loved her and she shared deep down things with me .I guess it was the way I looked at her physiognomy  that made her think I understood

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    Crystal or fish bone ?

    Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 8:43 PM [General]

    Much love was put in the fish bone rosary and it was used with great care . Grand-maman (Grandmother) look at the crystal rosary aunt Joanne gave me for Confirmation . With her sparkly eyes my grandmother said very nice . Do you have time dear to sit by me and say the rosary ?  Yes, I do have time to say the rosary with you gram-ma .

    I like to start with this prayer ,

    Hail ,holy Queen enthroned  above ,

    O Maria

    Hail Queen of mercy and of love ,

    O Maria

    Thriumph , all ye Cherubim,

    Heav'n and earth resound the hymn :

    Salve ,Salve , Salve Regina .

    The cause of joy to men below ,

    O Maria .

    The spring through which all graces flow .

     O Maria

    O gentle , loving ,holy one ,

    O Maria .

    The God of Light became your Son ,

    O Maria

    Now let us start the Rosary little on . ... I love you grandmother

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    Anger can lead to .....

    Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 4:10 PM [General]

    I know that anger can lead to hostility . Can anger lead to love ? It is easier to see anger leading to hostility for  me . What does that say about me ?

    When I have given all I have and I get insults that is where I want to curl up and hide in a dark hole . Some sort of metamorphosis comes about as I pray and then I am ready to be vulnerable again . Its more than painful. Shame is also part of this . However painful decisions have to be made to heal .

    Confrontation is difficult to me . There are ways to do it .A counsellor advised me to confront in a way that is acceptable to me and the other

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