Listening attentively to another person may be one of the greatest gifts we can give them. This is more challenging than it appears. To be truly attentive means receiving what is said without judging the person or their feelings. It means focusing one's attention on what is being said and ensuring that the speaker also knows that they are being heard and understood, as well as not judged. The only way to know if what is said is being heard or understood is through feedback from the listener. It is a dialogue, not a monologue.
It is easy to listen to someone with whom we agree. The biggest challenge is to be able to listen to one with whom we disagree. In those circumstances it is more important than ever that the listener become "invisible." The more the speaker is aware of the listener, and especially of resistance or disagreement in a problem area, the more likely an argument will ensue.
One way to stay invisible is to always use the pronoun "you" when reflecting what has been heard. Saying "I" makes the listener more visible than desirable and moves the speaker into their head. The boilerplate "I hear you say..." is not effective in real conversations because (apart from its artificiality and stiltedness) it calls attention to the listener - the speaker is now focused on what the listener did or did not hear.
Fortunately, there are ways of listening "actively" while staying "invisible," speaking conversationally and not artificially, and still having the speaker feel understood.