Heck, its been awhile since I posted here. I have some thoughts that I just want to relieve myself of, and just to find a way to cope with them.
I work with my stepmom, whom I have always had a good relation with. I do know that she has a lot of stress factors in her life, and I am understanding of that. She has her mom living with her and is now in charge of an elderly cousin as well. I know that my father abused her throughout their marriage, and I know that he cheated on her throughout alot of the marriage, and I feel that at times she is very bitter. She has health issues as well, and one of them is skin cancer, which I think has her really frightened. I dont know if she gets angry because I can be happy with all the problems in my life, is she jealous because I am moving forward? Is it because she maybe feels as if she is losing control of us and maybe just losing control of order in her own life?
Where I have a problem here is that she has become very criticizing for just about anyone, and instead of coming in and saying good morning or anything positive, its usually negative coming out of her mouth or even hateful comments. There have been very hurtful comments about the way I dress or do my hair or even if I wear a very small amount of makeup, as I don't wear much. She is constantly, behind backs mostly, saying nasty things about people. UGH!!
Yesterday, I was talking to one of our friends, and as she came in I told her good morning, and asked her if it was cold enough. Her reply, no, and I said its too cold for me. She told me I am wimpy, just like my husband, that I never used to be wimpy. And then she told me yeah, just like your husband. And you lie like your husband. So I said, Oh, ok, I am wimpy and I lie. I am a wimpy liar. And she said yes, you are, just like your husband. Where this all came from I don't know.
It has been 2 years since I learned my husband cheated over the course of 22 years and lied to me, but since I found out he has been I think truthful. Gut feelings more than anything tell me that. I just don't understand this at all. I understand that they, my father and stepmother dont have the greatest feelins for him, but they refuse to aknowledge him now, and not even willing to talk to him. He has worked hard to make our marriage work, and it is. I made the mistake of talking to her about the affairs, as we were close to do so, and it was a very big mistake. She became very ugly and hateful towards him immediately.
I have a coworker that anytime something goes wrong with him getting his stuff done and it, in a way, being all about him, he gets really angry. He will tell me I am not doing what I am supposed to, that I make sure that every one else is taken care of and that I do things on purpose to make it that way. He has told me that I have made things up with numbers and so on. After all of this and after I have to basically prove to him that I am in the right and he is in the wrong, he will come back in a couple of days to apologize. I have started yelling back at him when he is confrontational, I am not a confrontational person but learning to be so, and will usually quit talking as for me that is the best defense.
I do not want to say ugly things that will hurt either of them, and I dont want to be the post that gets beaten on just because they themselves are not having a great day or whatever sets them off. I am tired of it. I am tired of the negativity and keep trying to find ways to correct without being ugly or hateful. I do bookkeeping and do it very well. It somedays is to the point that I consider looking for another job (I work for my dad and stepmom, with another brother as well).
My halfbrother is to the point as well of really saying something hurtful to his mom, and he is like me, doesn't want to but we think that it is coming to that. He knows too that stresses cause a lot of this, but for it to be ongoing is very hard at least for me. I relish the days that I know that she wont be in, and when the coworker goes out in the field.
I was doing pretty good with starting to read scriptures, as that is what got me through the affair, prayer and scriptures. I will pick up my bible and start where I left off, and then put it down. I don't read everyday, but when I do, its hard to put the bible down.
Saying in my mind the 23rd Psalm has helped and other scriptures. I am venting here, but if you have any favorite scriptures to help stay positive, and to maybe help me to find a way to say, hey you are being ugly and hateful without being ugly myself, I would love to see what you suggest.
This site has been a blessing to me to have found it, and I really love what everyone posts here. Blessings to all.