I have found out that the more that I want to be in control of my life, the less control I have. I figured that if I had some control, that I would be happy, content, have a lot of peace, everything would fall into place and I would never be poor, struggling, or have problems.
The truth is, in asking God to intevene in my life, asking Him to guide me all my steps, and really trying to let Him guide me, I have found that I am much more peaceful, with me, with my job, with my family.
When I let Him take over, I am happy, content and everything seems to work its way out. When any kind of "disaster" strikes, I am able to walk through it without becoming depressed, frantic, filled with dismay and everything in my life seems to clear up.
When I don't, everything becomes cloudy, hard to focus, I become ancy, frustrated easily, suspicious, nervous. I start having ridiculous thoughts in my mind, and it just seems to snowball. There never seems to be enough money to go from week to week, collectors call.
Until that moment, that instant that I remember to pray, a small prayer, a long prayer, that God will guide me again. I give my life to Him to direct me where He wishes that I turn, walk, go. And then, peace settles over me, and all is well.