Today, a day of reflection, of a life that is moving. I know that I need to forgive more. I need to love more. I need to try harder. I am learning.
I have found some really true forgiveness in my heart, for someone that I was supposed to have trusted, someone that has taught me some really good lessons of living, and then turned around and hurt me very deeply. I have realized that the good brought into my life by this person, far outweighs the bad that was caused. I realized this, and when I did, I had such a heavy weight lifted off my shoulder.
I released the burden. I know God is helping me, as I keep asking Him to show me how to carry these burdens more easily, to balance them. I found an answer for this one.
Now, I am looking at the next one, to see if the good outweighs the bad. Is it going to work? I dont know. But I do know if it doesn't, I will keep trying.
I have reflected on my insecurities, and how they came to be. I have looked, searched, contemplated, how did I let myself get to this point? Where did it come from? As I started searching, I found that it was easier to conform, to go along with, to push aside what I believed in, to avoid the confrontation. I see that this was a big disservice to myself.
I know I need to believe in what is strong in my heart. I need to trust what is in my heart. I need to hear what it tells me, and to know that the rights and wrongs it lets me know about are just that. I need to let my instincts guide me. If the truth is written on our hearts, then I need to listen to what it tells me.
I somedays feel as if I am overload, trying to understand the greater picture, yet it is the small things everyday that brings the peace and the happiness that we all try to find. In reading scriptures, I don't do it everyday. But I do read what other people have posted here, and read the scriptures they include and ponder upon them.
Where do I go from here? I know God is here, I know His love is here, I know the Spirit is with me, yet I just feel as if I am getting more weary somedays, hanging. Please send some scriptures my way that will help me to learn my way, some to ponder on and ask for guidance in understanding them, to learn to carry my burdens more evenly. I am peaceful yet I also feel so many knots inside as well.