I've approved all comments, but they did not show up. Sorry!
I feel the calling to be better than what I am. To concescrate my life to His service in ways I would have never imagined a year ago, and its so hard to go from one extreme to the other. Old habits die hard. I feel the call to rid myself of alcholic drinks except during celebrations. I feel called to stop smokeing and abstain from sex permanetly. I believe it is a way of denial that will bring me closer to God somehow, but He's not telling me where it will lead...and so I feel disconcerted. Any comments at all are accepted.
After reading the Holy Piby, I have doubts about Rastafari.
I went on a 3 day fast, and I prayed in the name of Elohim. He told me to look up Judiasm, and for whatever reason I typed in Ethopian Jews. This lead me to another site. This led to me getting evidence that the Kebra Nagast is true, and it has steered towards what I thought I was a Rasta. Praise Jah!
I must say word about my father. He just passed away. He had massive heart attack. He didn't take good care of himself. I saw him already brain dead laying on the hospital bed. His soul had already past to whatever come next, and it hurt my heart so that cried for him to return. He did not. I miss my father dearly. He was a born-again Christian. I wish him the best in the afterlife.
I was going to speak from the Bible at his memorial, but I fell asleep through most of the service. When I roused, I simply didn't stand up and speak at my turn. I don't why I didn't. I just didn't. I don't know what to make of his death quite yet.
As for today, I got some reading done on the Qu'ran, and I got some spiritual spoken word material burned to my xbox. I don't know that I will finish reading the Qu'ran. I'm nearly two hundered pages in, and I don't know that I care or believe in it. Only Time will tell.
I must add that I've already read the Bible, and I am re-reading it, and I have certain unresolved issues with it, as I do with the Qu'ran.