Level 4 Member
Monday, April 6, 2009, 8:08 PM
I am settling into country life. I have lived in the city for way too long. I like waking up to the chickens clucking and fresh air. We went across the road the other day and visited the donkeys that the neighbor keeps in that field. They are Dusty, Darlene, and some others that I do not know their names. It was fun!
I talked to my aunt in Oregon today. She is 84 and in an assisted living home. She is moving back south to be with her kids next month. I am glad, she has been out there for probably 50 years and her kids really want her with them. I am really happy that she will be close enough for me to visit too.
I am adding some photos to my album of life in the country.
Friday, February 27, 2009, 4:04 PM
February 26, 2009
I am buying my ticket today. This is it, no turning back now. I am excited and scared at the same time. (Side note, I was going to buy my ticket today, had trouble with the website, will go down in person to buy it.) I cannot wait to get home, but at the same time, the fear of the unknown is in the pit of my stomach. I still have so much to do. I wish there was a faster, easier way to do it all. So far, I have not found one.
I am just taking the necessities, even that hasbecome a chore. I can't decide what to take and what to leave. Decisions, decisions, decisions....................
It is not helping that it is that time of year, where it is too hot for a sweatshirt, and too cold for a T-shirt, plus I am at that age where I get hot most of the time anyway.
I am working on another afghan. A lady at church told me that I was not charging enough for them. I have been charging $35.00 and she said I should be charging $80.00. Then someone else told me that I should double the cost of the material and add a modest wage to that. If I do it that way, I probably should be charging more. I may start asking at least $60.00 and see if I can get it. Why not? I think they are worth that much, I am just not sure if I can get that price with the economy the way it is. Of course, the people that buy this sort of thing are usually willing to pay the price no matter how the economy is doing.
I cashed in my coins today, February 25th, I had $113.51, they charged $10.10 for processing, which is fine with me. Better the machine count all of that than me! So, if you have any change sitting in your closet, cash it in! I had no idea I had that much, I thought maybe $30.00, but not over a hundred dollars! Boy was I surprised! My change will pretty much pay for my ticket home. I will only have to add a little to it. Praise the Lord!
I am still working on finding a place to stay until I get a job of some kind. I know that I know that I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. So, I know that the Lord will provide something. You know what really gets me though, is there are three specific people that have not replied at all. Nothing, not a word! The least they could do is come up with some kind of excuse for not being able to let me stay with them. I just think it is rude when people totally ignore you, instead of giving an answer. I swear when I get a place down there if anyone needs to sleep on my couch or floor; they will be more than welcome.
I decided to wait until tomorrow to buy my ticket. I don't want to use the unsecured network at Starbucks, so I am going to borrow my neighbors internet tomorrow. Besides, I got an email from my cousin and I think I may stop there for a few days before continuing on home. There are actually four cousins and their families that I would be seeing.
My battery ran out of juice before I got everything done that I wanted to do. I did find out that there are no Starbucks in Laurel! Can you believe that? How do they get along without Starbucks? And I didn't have time to check out Craig's List for housing and jobs. I never made it to Facebook either.
February 27, 2009
I told everyone at church that I am leaving. They are sorry to see me go, but understand. I will truly miss taking care of the kids. They are so much fun, and they grow so fast!
I talked to my cousin yesterday, I am going to stop in Shreveport and visit with them for a few days before going on to Mississippi. I have not seen some of them for so long I can't remember when the last time was. This may be the last time I get on line for awhile. I have much work to do before I leave. And then when I get there, I don't know about using the internet. They do not have a Starbucks there! I cannot believe it, where do they go to have coffee and use the internet? When you are using someone else's internet, you feel obligated to not stay on line too long. I am getting nervous, I have so much to do, then I am wondering if this is the right thing to do, all of these questions swirling around in my head. I hardly slept last night, my brain would not turn off. I have to take a load of books and cds to Half Price Books before I leave. You have to stay in the store while they evaluate and determine what they will buy and for how much. It would help if I could find someone to do that while I pack.
My neighbor is singing right now and I sure hope they keep their day job. I don't know if they are just singing to be singing or if they are writing a song or what. But, they need to keep their day job.
Saturday, February 21, 2009, 3:56 PM
February 19, 2009
I sorted through some more stuff today. I found things that I do not even remember getting! This is it! No more clutter! I am only having a small amount of stuff! How much does one person need? I am most definitely doing my best to get a studio apartment. Small space=less clutter. I can only wear one set of clothes at a time. I don’t really have a problem with shoes, due to the fact that I inherited Daddy’s big feet, I can only wear large size shoes and my foot brace only fits in certain shoes. Now that I am older comfort is more important to me. I am not as concerned with fashion as I am with how it feels. No more squeezing my feet into shoes that do not fit! I don’t know why I have so many clothes? Mostly jeans and T-shirts, a couple of skirts and nice tops, and some sweaters. I am getting rid of a ton of stuff. No way am I paying to ship stuff that is going to sit in the closet anyway. My cats have no idea what I am doing! They think I have lost more of my mind, and I probably have! My arms are all bruised up, every time I started for the front room with a load, there they were, the sweet kitties, right in my way. I either had to side-step them to keep from stepping right on them, or just stop and let them pass. They do know that something is up, they just are not sure what is going on. (If they only knew!L ).
I have to talk to the landlord tomorrow and tell her that I will not be able to get out of here until the morning of March 6th. I will probably owe her a little money anyway, so she can just add that on to it. She is going to have to trust me to pay her, because I will not have any to give her until I get there and get a job. Or maybe she will have mercy on me, and just forgive any debt. (I can hope, can’t I?).
My briefcase will not fit inside my weekender bag, so I am going to have to wrap my laptop in a blanket and put it in the bag that way. I hope it survives. I think it will be alright. It isn’t like I am going to be taking it in and out all the time. The most I will be doing is uploading pictures if my card gets too full. That will only take a few minutes and then it will be back in the bag. I don’t really want to advertise that I have it with me.
I looked at the schedule and I am going to be tired when I get there. I know it would be faster to fly, but I have a chronic illness (gastrointestinal kind) and I am not sure what flying would do to it. I just think it would be safer to take the bus. Besides, I want to see the country, I doubt I will make it back out this way again. I am going through Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, and then Home Sweet, Home Mississippi. I cannot wait to cross that river again! I will be home for Easter, I might be going the little church I grew up in, I don’t know. I guess that depends on what is going on with my job and a place to live. I still have not found a place to stay. I am hoping I will have emails, when I check on Saturday, telling me something. Hopefully, that I have a place to stay and all.
February 20, 2009
I had a very pleasant and blessed surprise this morning. I received a phone call from someone I do childcare with wanting to know if I could use some milk. In talking to other people they had heard that I was short on funds and they have extra due to being on WIC, so they wanted to help out. When they arrived with a gallon of milk, they also had a dozen eggs with them. It may not sound like much to some people, but I have not had milk and eggs for some time due to the fact that I always run out of money before I get to them. So, tonight when I get home from work, I will enjoy some scrambled eggs and a cold glass of milk.
I still have a headache today, but not quite as bad as yesterday. It is beautiful today, the sun is shinning and it is warm. My kitties love it! Queen Esther has spent the morning sunbathing. She lies on her back and stretches out; she looks like a skin rug! She so enjoys her sun baths. Mordecai on the other hand likes to get under the comforter and sleep for hours. I do not know how he stands it under there, he will do it even when it is really hot out.
I cleaned out a little, not much. I did take out the garbage from yesterday’s sorting. I still cannot believe how much stuff I have!
I must remember to get kitty food tomorrow. I was hoping they would have enough to last until I leave, but they will not. I still have not found a home for them. I have to find something, I cannot just leave them here with no one to take care of them.
I took out the garbage this morning and there is this lady that lives here in the complex and no matter when I take out the garbage; she is outside. I know we all have problems, but she always has a problem. And she is always willing to share with me what is going wrong in her life. I know she can’t help it right now, that is the only way she knows, but I do wish it would not happen on days when I have a headache and am short on time. I listen anyway, maybe by my listening, I can do something to help her. Maybe, one day I can pray with her, instead of just praying for her, and then maybe one day she will meet Jesus and start going to church. I don’t know; I hope so though. Her problems will not go away over night, but at least she would have Him there with her. I know I could not make it right now without Jesus.
I also sold another afghan tonight. Thank you Lord!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009, 5:59 PM
I have made a final decision. I am moving back home, which is in the deep south, Mississippi. I do not know exactly where yet. I cannot make it out here anymore. I might not make it there either, but at least I will be home. I will sell most of my stuff, ship it back there, and take the bus home. I don’t know what I will be doing or where I will be staying, but I am leaving this place. It is expensive everywhere, but it is especially so here. We are the most taxed state in the union. There is a tax for literally everything. And by the time they get through discussing how to replace the Viaduct it will crumble and they will still spend years discussing what to do about it. The hardest part of all this is the fact that I cannot take my kitties with me. I could honestly handle the rest, it would even be exciting, but the fact that I cannot take them with me is killing me. I talked to my landlord, there is a small chance that I might be able to stay here through March. I hope that is the case, it would give me some much needed time to make sure I have sorted and sold the right things. I will try to get some shipping boxes and bubble wrap on Monday or Tuesday. I am hoping I can get another afghan or 2 made and sold before I go. That will give me a little extra spending money for the trip. 3 days, 3 hours, and 10 minutes on the bus, 5 transfers. I will need to sleep for 3 days when I get there! LOL! I am going to take as much food as I can without overloading myself. I am not checking any baggage. I am taking a weekender bag, a pillow, and a blanket of some kind. I do not want to have to fuss with checked bags at every transfer point. It will be much easier on me if I just ship a couple of boxes of clothes that I will need right away and have someone send the rest when I get a place to live.
If I cannot find a job, I will have no choice but to go on assistance of some kind. I would rather work for a few more years, but with the economy the way it is, who knows what is going to happen. I really hope this recession does not last very long, but I guess if it does, we will all have to do what ever we can to get by.
I just want a studio apartment, nothing fancy just clean and possibly a washer/dryer in the unit would be so nice. I don’t really need that much, a bed, and hopefully there will be a wall bed in the unit, a desk, a couple of bookshelves, and a dresser of some kind. I could get along without a TV, I have my laptop to watch DVDs on and listen to music. A coffee pot, a few pots and pans, dishes, and I will be set.
I wish I had made this decision 3 years ago when I first lost my job. Then I could have afforded to take the cats with me, I would still have to sell a bunch of stuff and ship the rest in boxes, but I could have taken the kitties. Maybe there is a lesson to learn from that. I should have made a better decision. Actually, the reason I waited is I wanted to go back to school and go back looking like I was all important and smart. Well, look at me now! I am broke financially, broke emotionally, and a total wreck. I will do my best to learn this lesson so I do not have to repeat it.
Maybe I could find someone to take the cats temporarily so then they could fly them down when I get a place. It is worth a try. I don’t know, I keep going back and forth with this idea. There is just so much to think about right now and so many decisions to make. I have to be careful or I will get in the mode of tossing stuff and toss stuff I really want to keep. I did that last time I moved. I tossed my Daddy’s pipe stand that I still had. There was even some of his tobacco still in it after all these years. When I realized what I had done, I went into a mini depression. I could not believe that I had done that! So, I do not want to do something like that again. Some things are irreplaceable!
Friday, February 13, 2009, 6:54 PM
February 11, 2009
I just got home from church, they are going to pay my rent one more time. Thank you Lord! I know I have been ranting and raving about stuff. I am sorry I am doing that. I guess I just need to vent. That really is not an excuse, but for now it is all I can give.
I am going to give notice that I am moving out. I am not yet sure where I am going, but I am giving notice. I cannot keep doing this each month and the church cannot keep paying my rent. I am applying for section 8 housing, not sure exactly how that works, but in any case, I cannot pay my rent and need help. I am also going to apply for disability. I don’t know if I will get it, but I will apply. There are some options for my housing. There are a couple of people that have a room I can stay in. One would be helping with the ladies disabled husband. I am not sure if I could do that one, depends on how much lifting and how often. The other I am not sure if I would pay rent or just be there to keep the lady company. Someone is finding out more details for me, they contacted them, so they are the contact person.
While I was waiting for the bus to pick me up and take me home, I sold my afghan that I was working on. One of the ministry leaders walked by and asked how much, so when I finish weaving the loose ends I will sell it to them. That was pretty cool! I will be $35.00 richer on Friday. I am going to start selling them where ever I can. I am going to put a post on Craig’s list to sell my afghans. If I was superwoman I could crochet 17 of them and have rent money. HaHaHa! I don’t think I could ever crochet that fast! LOL But, practice does build speed!
It is amazing how much weight lifts off my shoulders when I find I have a place to live for another month.
I have much, much sorting to do. I am selling most of my books and Cds. Going through all my stuff. I will try to sell as much as possible. I am not going to need a whole lot. I do want to keep some things. I still cannot believe this is happening to me.
I still want to move home and probably will in the near future. I’m not sure when yet, but I am going.
Why does life have to be so hard sometimes? I know we all go through things for a reason, but sometimes it would be nice to just have a little peace for a season.
Saturday, February 7, 2009, 4:42 PM
It looks like an old hammer with a cracked handle that needs to be thrown out. It is old. I do not know when it was bought. It was last used by him in 1967. His large, strong hands gripped the handle and drove the nails to build many houses. I do not know the last time he used it. Was it to hang a picture, repair a loose nail, or build something new? Was he already sick? Did he know he was sick? Was he thinking about me? Those same hands that gripped the handle were the same ones that soothed my brow when I was sick with fever. Those hands pointed to the night sky to show me the stars and planets. Those hands planted food and hunted game to provide for his family. Those hands opened his Bible so he could read and study the Word of God. Those hands led singing in our small little church. Those hands held me when I was just a tiny little baby. It may look like an old hammer with a cracked handle that needs to be thrown out; but it isn’t. The hammer was my Daddy’s and his hands were the ones that touched it last.
Saturday, February 7, 2009, 4:39 PM
February 6, 2009
I am going to make some calls a little later today. It is too early right now. I have got to get some help with the rent. I cannot stand this stress of constantly not knowing where the next rent check is coming from. I can certainly understand why those people on the news commit suicide, sometimes after killing their whole family. (Not that I am considering anything like that.) I’m just saying that I can understand the stress. It wears you down to where you are not the same person. You cannot think straight and the least little thing upsets you. When you don’t have a job, or a full-time job in my case, it is a full-time job just figuring out how to pay the bills and put food on the table. Then there is the medications that I need, which I am not taking right now, because I simply do not have the money to buy them. This economy has got to get fixed. What in the world are we all going to do? How are we going to survive to see things get better?
I saw one of the people who is so quick to judge me yesterday. They want for them, me and ***** to go out after church Sunday night. I’m thinking, “I don’t think so! What am I supposed to do, sit and drink a glass of water while you have dinner?” Sometimes I just don’t understand people. And no they were not offering to buy me dinner. It was clear that it was a Dutch treat thing. Well, I can tell you one thing, I AM NOT GOING! I have way more important things to do, like find a way to pay the rent. Besides, why would I want to spend an evening with someone who stands in judgment of me? Not my idea of a pleasant evening.
If I could just find another part-time job I could make it. It would be tight, but I could make it.
It is raining today, which is nice actually. The air was getting stagnant again, so the rain is cleaning it up. Besides, this is Washington, it is supposed to rain.
I work tonight. We are expecting a large group of kids. I will be tired when I get off. It really isn’t that bad, it is just tiring. And I am grateful to have the hours. I got some extra work tomorrow night. They forgot to add something to the schedule, so it was an unexpected surprise. Every little bit helps.
Thursday, February 5, 2009, 4:24 PM
February 5, 2009
I am posting some pictures of my crochet. I finished 2 afghans and some scarves. If I have quite a bit of yarn left over after a project, I try to make scarves for the homeless. I know it isn’t much, but maybe it will help someone stay a little warmer. One of the afghans is for my Aunt Bea, who will be 84 next Wednesday. She is in an assisted living home and sometimes uses a wheelchair so I thought this would help keep her legs warm. Hers is the green with yellow trim. I made myself one too. Mine is pink with green trim. Of course, as you can tell by some of the pictures, the kitties like them too.
If I can get some help with this month’s rent, which is due by the end of the day, then I can save my childcare money and hopefully move back home. If I don’t get help, I will be homeless because I do not have enough to pay it. If that works out, I will be leaving either the 28th or March 1st. I do not have a lot of stuff, well actually I guess I do, but I am selling as much as I can and leaving the rest. My furniture is all second-hand, so I am not going to pay to move it. The move would cost more than the furniture did. I am shipping what little I have in boxes and taking the bus with a weekender bag and my laptop. This will mean leaving my kitties and I can hardly stand to even think about that right now. I don’t know what else to do though. I can’t afford to take them with me, and I can’t stand the thought of leaving them behind. I know they are just animals, but when you are single and you have pets, they become your family. And in my case, they are much better than most of my “real” family anyway. So, I will be a little sensitive for awhile. If none of this works out, at least I can say I tried. If anyone has any ideas about how to make all this work, I would appreciate them. I am not thinking too clearly right now. It is not that I think I am too good to be homeless, it’s just that I know I won’t survive it. Five years ago I wanted to die and this would have been a great excuse to do it. Now, I want to live and I am not sure if I can survive this. I know God has a plan, I’m just not sure what it is. I’m so upset most of the time I can’t even think straight. Then there are some other things that have happened that I cannot discuss yet. I will just say that I hope I have never judged anyone, the truth is though that I am sure I have. I am sorry for that. I do know that in the future I will do my best to not judge, especially other Christians. I have not walked in their shoes or lived their lives. If and when I get back on my feet I want to do all I can to help others in whatever way I can. If they are able to pay me back fine, and if they are not, that is fine too. God will take care of their “debt”. I just want to help them because I know how it is. People who said they were friends have proved they are not. I have such a hard time completely trusting anyway and then this happens. I am sorry to dump like this, I just need to get it out. You know it is really hard to type and cry at the same time, especially when you wear glasses.
I am actually typing this on the 4th so I can just copy and paste at Starbucks tomorrow. Maybe I will feel better by then. I am going after work tomorrow morning.
I know things are hard for everyone right now. I guess I just wish that just once I could have things work out right for me.
I wish I could find a job. Even the hospitals are laying off around here. Everyday I wake up and hear that another company is laying off. The ones that are hiring are ones that I cannot physically do, so here I sit trying to find something that I can do. If I could sell some crochet, I can do that. Then when I think I have found something I can do, I find out they are not accepting any applications right now. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! This is so maddening!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 4:25 PM
I have been off line for some time now. I do not have internet at home, so I have to go to Starbucks or someplace with WiFi and use theirs. A little inconvenient, but cost effective. Also, with the air stagnation it has been really hard to breathe and I keep getting out of breath.
I am almost finished with my afghan. I just have the weaving in of the loose yarn to do. I will post a picture when I am totally finished with it. I had enough left over to crochet a doll afghan/blanket using the same pattern. I will probably give it to the children’s department. We can always use more toys and stuff.
BTW, Queen Esther and I have come to a compromise about the chair. I sit and recline in it, she curls up down by my feet. (At least she lets me sit in it!)LOL!
I came across a quote in my Beth Moore devotional and I will share it here. “The Scripture is the written Word that reveals to us the living Word who is able to deliver us.” That just struck me when I read it, I guess it is like when you read a certain passage of Scripture a million times and the next time you read it; it is like a brand new verse! The devotion was about how God’s Word heals us. The Scripture reading is Psalm 107:10-21
There was a terrible accident at the Tacoma Dome on Friday night. There was a Monster Truck Show, and apparently some debris from one of the trucks flew off into the crowd. It hit a 6-year-old boy in the head. He died Saturday. A man was also hit, they were not releasing his condition because privacy laws. I just think that is so sad when something like that happens. A family went to see a show and have a good time and something like that happens. It makes me think about how short life is. One minute we are here and the next we could be gone. We need to enjoy every second we can with our families and friends.
President Barack Obama was inaugurated today. The 44th president and the first African-American to ever be president. I think I cried most of the day. For me it was very emotional. I don’t think I really thought I would ever see it happen. I grew up in Mississippi and I remember when there were “colored” bathrooms and water fountains. I remember the use of the “N” word. Sadly, I remember a time when I was prejudice. I don’t think I actually meant to be, it was just something that I was taught. That’s the way it was. I do remember questioning why I was better than the black people. That is what I was taught, that white people were better than black people. No one ever answered me. I also remember one time when I was real little, I had to go to the bathroom. We must have been traveling, and when I got there I headed for the door of the ladies room. Well, I didn’t know that it was the “colored” ladies room. I had to come back out, and the “white” ladies room was being used. I had to stand there doing a little dance while there was a perfectly good bathroom that I could have used, but I couldn’t because it was for the “colored”. Sometimes when I think about that, I think “how stupid!” America has come a long way! But, how much worst was it for the black people? And I remember it was bad! They were so mistreated just because of the color of their skin. And in some places they still are.
Today I am proud to be an American. And I am proud of my President Barack Obama.
January 24, 2009
Well, it is almost time to pay the rent again. I can’t believe how fast the time goes, especially when you are trying to find a job so you can get enough money together to pay the rent. I forget exactly how many people in the Puget Sound area have been laid off in the past month. I think it is somewhere around 10,000. Yet, people keep telling me I have to get a job. (Well, I know I have to get a job, I’m not stupid!) I don’t know how I am going to do it when everywhere I go they are either laying off or have just initiated a hiring freeze. I will keep trying, but it does not look good. I wish I was smarter or had some kind of special skill. Anyway, I must find rent money by the 5th or me and the kitties will be homeless. I can stand a lot of things, but I do not know if I could stand having to give up my kitties. They are my family. What would I do without them?
I can breathe a little better today, I think the air stagnation is maybe clearing up. I think they said it would be lifted by 10:00am today. But, the burn bans would still be in effect until the air is totally clear.
Monday, January 12, 2009, 4:24 PM
It is Monday morning. I survived the weekend. I am feeling better. I am not quite as jumpy as I was. I tried to relax all weekend. I konw one thing, I will never leave the slider door cracked, not even just a little bit ever again!
I was trying to crochet a Bible cover and I finally gave up and switched to an afghan. The Bible cover called for FPDC (front post double crochet) which I have not done a lot of. It just looked weird to me on the backside. Maybe it is just me and it is supposed to look that way. In any case, I decided to put it aside for awhile. I will go back to it after I finish the afghan.
My kitties are sleeping in my recliner. Mordecai is on the back of it and Esther is on the seat. It is always a chore trying to get her out so I can sit down. But, that is okay, it makes me laugh! They are both so cute and sweet. I don't know what I would do without them. They have changed my life and were definitely a gift from God.
I think I will get off here and go work on my afghan. If I can get the kitties out of my chair!